Dear Aussie,

It has come to my attention recently that I am the proud owner of a foreskin! What gives? How could this happen? None of the other players on my high school team have one. Goddammit! - Clive Newby - Nacadocious, TX.

Bliming Christ Clive! How the wipe did'ya git ta this stage a yer bleedin life afore figgerin this out. First of all, male circumcision is a medical procedure where the foreskin of the penis is removed, init? Be glad ya missed that lil practice as it goddamn hurts no matter ow old ye are. Before studies were conducted on the bleedin' results of removin' the lil bloke's cap, it were done as a matter of religious protocol. However, right, due ter a better understandin' of the function of the chuffin' foreskin it is becomin' a much less common surgery and is now seen as an extraneous procedure, right, and one that is bleedin unnecessary and discouraged. As an infant the foreskin 'as a right important role, to cover and bond wiv the bloomin' synechia so as ter permit the chuffin' development of the chuffin' mucosal surface of the glans and inner foreskin. Also, Clive if ya could pay attention ta me god damn ya, the foreskin protects an infant's glans from flecks a bleedin feces and crikin ammonia that can gather in the bloomin diapers. The foreskin offers a protective coverin' for the glans 'ead. Wivout the foreskin the glans loaf of bread will 'arden and as a result be far less sensitive ter touch wen the man becomes sexually active. So ya can consider yerself bloomin lucky o'er the group a blokes yer gettin nekkid with since when yer beddin the Sheila's out in Farmer Jones meadow yer bleedin gettin more fer yer blipping buck. Just know that yer extra lil flap protects and moisturizes the glans loaf of bread by coatin' it wiv emollient oils. The bleedin' foreskin also gives a mechanical advantage durin' porkin the cheerleaders mate. The strokin' hammer and tack and forff moves the foreskin up and dahn the penis shaft and glans 'ead. This creates a rollin' sheaff that creates less negative friction between the vaginal walls and the glans 'ead. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Wiv all of the bleedin' current information known about the bloomin' functionality and usefulness of the foreskin it is a wonder why blokes still 'ave the surgery performed a tal. One fin' parents of children wiv foreskin need ter pay close attention ter is makin' sure the chuffin' child knows 'ow ter keep their penis tidy, by pullin' hammer and tack the foreskin and warshin' the bloody area properly. Failure ter wash under the chuffin' foreskin can lead ter infection. Cor blimey guv!. Now git back in the locker room and wag yer wanker around with pride cuz yer the only one in there who wasn't needlissly butchered as a lad.

Prior Aussie Advice