the Goliard
March, 2002


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The Adventures of Tar-man
      by John Rose

[Tar-man Index]

Origins of Tar-man

"Aw, c'mon Mom, I wanna be an opera singer! All the other kids are gonna be!"

"I don't need any more of your lip, William. I said get out on the roof and help your father. Now!"

"Thanks for the help, sport. You want to hand me a couple of those nails by your foot, I-wups…uh-oh…AIEEEE!""Fred? Billy? FRED! Oh, my God! You killed him!"

As luck would have it, Fred was not dead, only quadriplegic. He took to sitting on the lawn in his wheelchair tutoring young Billy on the niceties of working on roofs, and seldom let him forget that he had to carry on where his father could not.

"You know, sport, I hope you realize that I don't blame you for what happened to me. Nossir, I blame myself entirely, and it's just good to know that since you were there with me you have some feeling of what I've lost. It gives me a lot of pleasure to see you up there, son… move that reindeer a little to the right, would you, Billy… that's right, have him looking up at the fat man… no more playing Santa for me, eh, sport? No, it really does give me a charge to see you up there, though… about the only charge I get these days now that my cock's busted, right Bill? Haw! You wouldn't deny your old Dad a good laugh now and then, would you? I tell you, the old prick used to stand up stiff as a silver dollar back in the day. Well, doesn't matter anyway, guess it's just you and me now that yer ma's gone, eh, Billy? Too bad, too… guess the accident was a little too much for that heart of hers… but cheer up, boy, you got me still! Come on down here and light a cigarette for your old man, would you Billy?"


Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.