the Goliard
February, 2002


the Goliard
Current Issue
Prior Issues
Contact Us
Writing a %#$*! Letter
Adventures of Tar-man
Movie Man
Our Man
Original Writings
Books and Book Lists
Culinary Reviews
A Correspondence
To No Avail Slaps the Tail
Millennium Mélange

Letter to the Jim Rome Show - 2/10/2002   Link to update

Hey Rome,

First of all, since you are forever going on about how stars should be held accountable and constantly acting appalled when one of them gets caught doing something that most of your listeners probably do on almost a daily basis, you might want to think about changing that intro music you use for your show now that Mr. Ant is up on some kind of weapons charges. The drum lead in to "Don't drink don't smoke, what do you do?" was a poor choice before Ant's arrest and is even less palatable now.

And secondly, if the Olympic Winter Games are truly as uninteresting to most people as you say they are, why not let them die the slow death of neglect? With you ranting every morning about how much you don't like them and counting days until they're over, it only makes you appear petrified that you are being left out of something. Maybe you're afraid people are being entertained out there by sports that you know nothing about, can't comprehend, and will never enjoy due to your unfortunate, sheltered, So Cal upbringing. If the games truly are that boring, why do you feel the need to keep pointing out how boring you think they are? Why even bother to comment at all?

Thirdly, how can you not realize that you are throwing away much of your diminishing credibility by pimping the NBA all the time? (Yeah we saw that thrilling All Star game too! Now that was some great basketball) By ignoring other forms of competition and constantly trashing any alternative sports that you haven't taken the time to understand, you appear more and more like a very nervous Nellie hoping to preserve the status quo of the big four so you won't have to learn any new skills or find any additional contacts. Maybe there are still some people who care about the NBA out in LA LA Land where you live but the news from out here in the trenches is that, if you are a real fan of the game of basketball, the NBA is a dying animal and all but ridiculous to watch anymore. Just a bunch of overpaid, me me me meglomaniac media prostitutes complete with fur, jewelry, and entourages, with rapidly diminishing basic basketball skills. Oh, and there you are marching out front as their head pimp.

And by the way, down here in southern Arizona, we've finally hit the big time. This translates into two sports talk shows to choose from. So when you are yammering on and on about how you don't understand the winter Olympics, would never let your kid play soccer, don't like tennis, auto racing, cycling, volleyball, rugby, or lacrosse and are interviewing some monosyllabic dunk artist, we can now just hit another button. Kornheiser and Patrick aren't perfect, but at least their minds are a lot more open than yours is. Given a choice, we sure find ourselves listening to them a lot more than we do your show since you seem to pick about three topics and pound away at them all day. The others offer variety and cover all sports. Don't worry though, we still catch you when we're driving around town. During commercials on the other station that is. And your show was once the radio station of choice in most of our district offices back when we could get you over the Internet but since you decided to charge everybody for that privilege we now listen to ESPN at our workplaces too. 

Now it is you that will be dying the slow death of neglect. Nice knowing you. Uh, not really.

Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.