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Letter
to Playboy Magazine - 3/31/2002
Hey Hef,
I thought you were putting out a
magazine promising "Entertainment for MEN!?!"
Well, actually
we can't tell from this month's cover if that's still your policy
because the MEN part of the phrase is hidden behind fitness bimbo
Kiana Tom's head. Maybe it says "Entertainment for Freshmen
Girls" OK wait, there it is right on the spine - Men. Then we
seem to have a problem.
Your May cover (and by the way who started
this thing where we get an issue that says May on it delivered in
March? It doesn't add up. If it is May then it is well into the
baseball season and your preseason picks are worthless, picks which,
by the way, were apparently written in February since they allude to
Red Sox manager Joe Kerrigan who hasn't been around since early
March and will have been jobless for three months by May.)
Anyway,
about the Men thing. Men do not watch MTV. And if they do, they most
certainly do not watch Road Rules or Real World. Why then would you
choose to feature naked girls from the two shows? The pictorial is
terrible and all gussied up in bright pastel colors which are
painful for men to behold. We were skimming through the movie
reviews and "Living Online" columns when we stumbled
across it and had to slam the magazine down on the back of the
toilet.
Not that we look at the pictures all that closely anymore
anyway after the fiftieth identical blonde silicon project you've
trotted out in a row. How about mixing in some ethnicity or anything
other than the latest collagen queen nobody but you can tell apart
from Pamela Anderson. Just because you have a tireless taste for
life sized Barbies doesn't mean that other men wouldn't appreciate a
little diversity or variation in body type. You are slipping
downhill my friend. Washed up teenie bop singers trying to revamp
their careers by showing off the work of their plastic surgeon and
semi attractive ditzes from various reality TV shows are not enough
to sustain a men's magazine these days. Keep in mind, you are
competing with the Internet now where nudity is rampant and
mistyping a search for road directions can suddenly bring you
pictures of Jennifer Connelly and Anna Kournikova in the buff.
Granted many of the photos may not be real but the distinction escapes us since neither are
most of your girls. Whether the work is done on the computer screen
with
Photoshop or on the operating table with scalpels just doesn't matter any more to the average
Joe. Get with
the times and remember who your audience is. And could you please,
please stop
regaling readers with tales of the seven blondes that share your
bed. From looking at you lately there isn't enough Viagra in LA to
keep that fantasy going. Come on Hef, you've had a great and
illustrious life. Show a little pride.
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