This
is a Letter
to the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality that has been
passed around for a few years. The response makes it worthy of
reposting for Goliard Readers. You can learn more at:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm
STATE OF MICHIGAN Reply to: GRAND
RAPIDS DISTRICT OFFICE STATE OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR 350 OTTAWA NW
GRAND RAPIDS MI 49503-2341 JOHN ENGLER, Governor DEPARTMENT OF
ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY HOLLISTER BUILDING, PO BOX 30473, LANSING MI
48909-7973 INTERNET: http://www.deq.state.mi RUSSELL J. HARDING,
Director
December 17, 1997
CERTIFIED
Mr. Ryan DeVries 2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339
Dear Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1
T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Montcalm County
It has come to the attention of the
Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent
unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.
You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who
did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two
wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit
must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review
of the Department's files show that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has
determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated. The
Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris dams and flooding
at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department
therefore orders you to cease and desist all unauthorized activities
at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition
by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the strewn
channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than
January 31, 1998. Please notify this office when the restoration has
been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled
by our staff. Failure to comply with this request, or any further
unauthorized activity on the site, may result in this case being
referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would
appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at
this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price District
Representative Land and Water Management Division
REPLY:
Dear Mr. Price: Re: DEQ File No.
97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County
Your certified letter dated
12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. You sent out a great
deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but you neglected to
include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to send them a
copy of my response.
First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is
not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
Michigan - I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the
(State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two
wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring
Pond. While I did not pay for, nor authorize, their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended you call their skillful use of
natural building materials "debris." I would like to
challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project any dam time
and/or any dam place you choose. I believe I can safely state there
is no dam way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your dam request the beavers
first must fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of
dam activity, my first dam question to you is: are you trying to
discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or do you require all
dam beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If
you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, please
send me completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam
permits. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws
annotated.
My first concern is - aren't the
dam beavers entitled to dam legal representation? The Spring Pond
Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said dam
representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam
lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the
dams failed during a recent rain event causing dam flooding is proof
we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the dam
stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition - contact
the dam beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they
obviously did not pay any dam attention to your dam letter-being
unable to read English) - be sure you read them their dam Miranda
rights first.
As for me, I am not going to cause
more dam flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam
builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers - be aware I am
sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA. If your
dam Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently
hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this dam
State - I seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam
policy, or once again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream
prejudice!
In my humble opinion, the Spring
Pond Beavers have a right to build their dam unauthorized dams as
long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water flows
downstream. They have more dam right than I to live and enjoy Spring
Pond. So, as far as I and the beavers are concerned, this dam case
can be referred for more dam elevated enforcement action now. Why
wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice
then, and there will be no dam way for you or your dam staff to
contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring to
your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem: bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers
alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to
comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on
your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.
Sincerely, Stephen L. Tvedten
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