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Dateline
- The Movie Man |
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The
Movie Man runs off with Mrs. Atwater - Quits Goliard!
 In
a totally unexpected development that has the Goliard staff reeling,
the Movie Man, shown at right becoming increasingly infatuated with the person
who called herself Mrs. Atwater, abandoned his post this month
and, as far as we can tell, eloped with the alleged wife of another
staffer. As we scramble about the newsroom trying to recover, we
include here for the reader a
final account
of the last days of a man who was easily the most recognizable figure at
the Goliard and leaves a void that will not be easy to fill. We also include his
top and bottom ten lists
for the past year and
an unfinished column he left on his desk about the
Oscars. We will keep you posted on his whereabouts if and when they become
known, along with the reactions of the staff as they deal with
losing one of their mainstays.
Final Reviews - The
Hours 
- Chicago
The Pianist
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Interview |
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A
Co-Worker’s Story
 The following is an interview we
did with a young woman who once worked as an engineer at a
mining company until the incident she will describe below
occurred. She's now an expatriate living on an undisclosed
island in the Caribbean. She agreed to talk to the Goliard in
hopes that someone might read of her experience and take their
own precautions.
CW - One winter’s night in the early 90’s I came home from a
party, did my tooth brushing and went to bed. Just as I was
beginning to nod off I saw a
man creep up out of the basement towards my bedroom. I recognized him
immediately, he had been a coworker before my promotion to another
section of the mine. He came at me with a cattle prod and handcuffs,
while I started screaming (most appropriately I thought) bloody
murder. After a brief struggle and inflicting as much damage as I
could on someone 100 pounds bigger than me, I broke free and ran out
of the house into the street. (It is very cold in Montana, in
February when only wearing a satin nightgown). As I was running out
the door I looked back as he fired a gun directly at me. Later
inspection found the bullet hit the wall about 6 inches from where
my head was.
Read
the rest of the Interview
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Young
Goliard minstrels in training
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Golf
Outing
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 El
otro día decidí hacer algo nuevo sobre lo cual escribiría
en El goliardo. La primera cosa que vino a mente fue el
torneo de golf que tuvo lugar la semana pasada en el campo de
Tucson National (Omni Internacional). Al llegar, vi a mucha
gente sentada alrededor de los verdes, tomando sol y bebiendo
cerveza mientras que los jugadores tiraban las pelotas. Yo me
aburrí rápidamente y por eso decidí caminar alrededor del
campo. Seguí a un grupo de profesionales que eran muy
delgados y que probablemente eran solteros, pero estaba bien
claro que uno de ellos no estaba contento con la manera en que
estaba jugando. En el 14to verde, éste había perdido su
pelota en el agua. Rompió su palo sobre la rodilla, quitó su
ropa y entró en el agua también para recobrar su pelota.
Después, el tiró la pelota hacia el verde, diciendo muchas
palabrotas. Yo simpatizaba, y le ofrecí una de mis
“Coronas”, pero éste ni respondió ni me miró. Sólo se
puso sus zapatos de nuevo, abrió un bolsillo lateral,
extrayendo las llaves de su carro, y tiró su bolsa con todos
sus palos al lago. Para mí el golf es una tontería jugada
por pendejos y gordos que se visten sin idea de moda. Nunca
volveré a mirarlo y les aseguro a todas las muchachas
“calientes” que el PGA Tour no es el mejor lugar para
encontrar a un hombre guapo y rico. El único, Tiger, no viene
a Tucson para jugar y él tiene una rubia. Además si no la
quisiera, podría reemplazarla rápidamente con una de las
miles que le está esperando en una cola fuera de su casa en
Florida.
Translated
Quién
es La Ella Caliente
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the
Goliard 
a
repository
Annie
Revels in Tom's Discomfort