The Goliard Online - Reviews, opinion, original writing, analysis and pith

the Goliard     a repository
Volume 1 Issue 3

April 2002

Site Search

Advanced Search
the Goliard
Current Issue
- Prior Issues
Editorial Policy
- Rating System
- Contact Us
- Feedback
I'm Writing a %#$@#*! Letter
Letters Archive
- Hey Hef
Artless Comix: Overblown Prose Unmitigated by Steroid-O-Gothic Illustration
Adventures of Tar-man
- Episode Three
- Episode Four
- Episode Five
Food and Drink
Culinary Reviews
- GTC Submit
Millennial Subversions
Millennium Melange
- 3rd Millennium Manifesto
- Shelving the Millennium 
- 101 Uses for an Expired Millennium
Books & Book Lists
- Bookwoman
- Book Diary
- Tom from NY
A Correspondence
A Correspondence
Spring Break   
Epistle Three
Novel in Progress
Twice Bitten, the Shy, A Mystery
-Chapter Four
the Goliard Recommends:
Web Links
Soul Shine
Immigration Family History Center
Pacifica Radio

Alder Creek Canoes and Kayaks
Words you should know
Goliardic Dictionary
Scholarly Goliard
- The ArchPoet
- The Affair of the Red Headed Innkeeper
Fantasy News
Fantasy News

Original Writings

The Night Guy - A Series
Part 3 - A Goliard Shows Himself

Night Guy RunningAfter quickly slurping in the overflow, Hugo shrugged his overcoats more comfortably around him and leaned his elbows on the bar with both hands clutching the neck of the wine bottle like it was microphone and he was Joe Cocker about to rasp out a tune. Instead of singing anything, however, he turned on me with a reptilian intensity and  whispered his longest offering of the night.

"Although the shroud of fatigue is washing in
We've supped together and you've been a friend
It warms my heart to meet a younger man
with more on his mind then his car or tan
Though you may covet both for all I know
with your sincerity for not but show
You've closed your mouth and used your ears
And with my instincts honed by eight hundred years
Of stumbling around this rotting earth
Watching money grubbing, greed, and dearth
I'd say, my son without another word
Yank up your stakes
And become a Goliard

"What the Hell is a goliard?" Wally wanted to know, coming in just to catch the last few lines. "I think Nate here has enough problems without embarking on a new profession. I'm done cleaning up and thanks for all the help by the way. Now, however, it is time to get serious. Let's start with some dice? I'll be able to concentrate now that those aqua punks are out of here."

I was staring at Hugo, wanting to understand the words that seemed so heartfelt and ask what a goliard was but the oration seemed to have taxed his resources to the point where he slumped forward, put his chin on the bar and stared into the bottle with vacant eyes. I was hoping to prod him out of his haze and get him to explain but before I knew it, I found myself caught up in the usual badinage with Wally.

What the Hey maybe I'll take a gander at the
the rest of this story I've got nothing better to do


Piolline's Carrot Mushroom Loaf

More info on the Piolline...

The Tiger about to make a loaf Ingredients

2 cup minced onion
1 tbs butter
1 lb mushrooms, chopped
1 ½ tsp salt    

1 tsp basil
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp dill
3 to 4 medium cloves garlic, minced
1 ½ lbs carrots, grated (about 6 cup)
2 cup superb bread crumbs
1 cup (packed) grated cheddar cheese
2 eggs, beaten
Black pepper, to taste


Lightly oil a 9x13 backing pan. Preheat oven to 350°. In a large skillet, sauté onions in butter over medium heat for about 5 minutes. Add mushrooms, salt, herbs and garlic and continue to sauté for about 10 more minutes. In a larg
e bowl, combine carrots, bread crumbs, cheese, eggs and pepper. Add the sautéed mixture and mix well. Spread into the prepared pan and sprinkle with your choice of toppings (dill, cheese, bread crumbs, sesame seeds). Cover the pan with foil. Bake for 30 minutes covered, then uncover and back 15 minutes more. Serve hot or warm with generous availability of Beano or another deflatulator.



Jack Ooze Itis

Imagine two single and lecherous pathogens.
Microscopic, but capable little guys,
meeting for the first time in a globule
of rheumy residue, having abandoned a
parasite ship for the Jacuzzi spume. And perhaps each is a hearty little bloke 
hailing from a virulent strain 
allowing for cheerful inebriation 
in the very chemicals meant
for extermination.
 In the churning waters and dizzying optics, our courting microbes are as intoxicated and frolicsome as their former hosts and they too begin to have salacious designs on one another.
Embarrassed as they swirl about
in the public glare of the underwater lamp,
they long for a cavern or cranny,
private and dark, warm and safe, for to bring their bacterial lust to fruition,
to amoebic bliss, to micro-orgasm.
Then imagine a soft white bottom
luminescent in the murky water.
An uninhabited virginal bottom.

Public Jacuzzis. I swear.






Dogs we've known


The Movie Man's
Movie  Reviews

Who is the Movie Man

High Crimes
Monsoon Wedding
Murder by Numbers
Last Orders
The Sweetest Thing

The Other Side of Heaven

Van Wilder
The Rookie
Changing Lanes
Kissing Jessica Stein
A Beautiful Mind
Sorority Boys
Harrison's Flowers
Mean Machine

Queen of the Damned
Collateral Damage
In the Bedroom
The Others
Orange County
Death to Smoochy
Lord of the Rings

Our Gaucho en la Playa

"I guess that's why they call them STING rays!"

Who is Our Gaucho?

Bookwoman's Diary

Who is the Bookwoman?


Go to her Diary

Millennial Snippets

* Why the Big Teeth, Buck?
* So Onerous the Wood Sounds
* A Lone Rider Forgotten
* His Pond Drained, A Beaver Reflects
* A Beaver Run Amok
* The Lusty Woodsman Reintroduced
* A Naturalist Chased Away
* Beaver and Woodsman: An Uneasy Truce
* Two Against the Woodchuck (Randy?)
* Oak Coals: The Aesthetic Contribution
* An Inheritance Noted; The In-Laws Reconsider
* To No Avail Slaps the Tail
* Some Gratuitous Nudity
* A Nipple Inadvertent

Take me in Boys! I think I might just be ready for the whole

Future Features

Man accidentally types his password "buttwiper" into Login field during presentation 
Dog stuck in dog door all day
Tattoos - Never that cool, now totally ridiculous
Money Train reduces number of stops
Seventh Grader trades Boardwalk for B & O Railroad
Fantasy sports blamed for less cuddling
Man lays coat across puddle, woman sprains ankle on wallet in pocket and falls in heap
Dearth returns to Dade
Marmite declared inedible

Buh Bye



Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.