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From the Parvenus and Putting Pigs in Clover golf series

Piolline and I, with six more months of twice a week golf under our belts since we last corresponded on the subject, decided to take advantage of a special being offered at del Lago Golf Club and give ourselves a break from the city courses for a couple of rounds. The club was offering a 79 dollar deal for two which isn't much more than you pay for a turn on the public links during the winter months and since we had enjoyed playing del Lago several times in the summer heat we jumped at the opportunity to shank some balls and dent some greens in the high rent district.

Del Lago, so named for the six or eight man made (and often strangely colored) lakes that populate the course, is located out in Vail, AZ. about twenty minutes from Tucson and we pulled into the parking lot to change into our collared shirts and began mentally preparing ourselves for a desert challenge. It being a cold and blustery day by Tucson standards, the lot was mostly deserted and the guys who checked us in said we could tee off anytime. Range balls and GPS were not included in the deal as we'd been led to believe but we paid for the GPS anyway since not having it on a strange course with numerous elevation changes and some long desert carries off the back tees often leads to comical misjudgments of distance which, in turn, can often lead to the ignominy of having to poke around in the brambles while your buddy leans on his putter on the green calling out advice. It is well worth the five bucks to have a reasonable idea how far off the pin is not to mention it provides a pictorial view of the hole and allows for better planning and course management. And since there are hardly any common man distance indicators at del Lago it becomes almost impossible to judge where you are on the hole without GPS, a fact which we found out over the summer when we declined the charge and ended up walking back and forth over hill and dale looking for anything with the yardage written on it mostly to no avail.

And you would think that, playing as much as we do, that Piolline and I would be much improved since our last visit but as anyone who has attempted to conquer the game of golf can tell you, the learning curve of the sport (we are not going to get into the "is it a sport" debate at this point) can be almost imperceptibly gradual. This is due to the natural rules of the endeavor which require a large skill set, a steady hand, good decision making, and constant concentration. Even if those are in line things can deteriorate in a heartbeat with a simple twitch of the knee, lift of the chin, or an unsolicited piece of advice from a bloviating, do gooding pair up. Due to the physics involved (small hard dimpled orb, high velocity swing speeds, vast distances, uneven terrain, little hole) the smallest muscular lapse or miscalculation can send your ball spiraling off at a 45 degree angle and cause it to land double or half the distance from where you had hoped that it would go. And the minute you think that one part of your game is solid and allow yourself to focus on another facet you are likely to suffer a complete breakdown in the original phase which you had confidence in only moments before. Throw in the unnatural angles and torquing stress you have to put on your back, the sit down, stand up, bouncing cart, bend over, twist and shout nature of the game, and it's all some of us can do to remain upright and perambulating for a full round. A fellow staffer relates the story of consulting a doctor after coming off an operation and was asking what he could do now that he was supposedly fully recovered to help get back in the swing of things. "Tennis? Oh yes. Jogging? Of course! Pick up basketball? Absolutely. Racquetball? I recommend it! Golf? Come on! You can't be serious? If you want to enjoy continued good health you'd be well advised to never play golf again."

Golf is also expensive of course which is why it finds us keeping our eye out for deals and why we ended up at del Lago on a couple afternoons in January. It's not that we are typically coupon clipping types particularly but if you add up what it costs to make golf one of your weekly pursuits, the numbers can be a little staggering. This tends to make even the most fiscally care free of us more aware than we might normally be of what our money is getting us. With that in mind we paid our 45 clams, climbed into our supposedly fancy cart (walking is not allowed at del Lago) and headed for the first tee. As we got out at the box we found a group of club house boys and the snack cart girl holding some sort of social gathering which they didn't offer to deconvene as we teed off. Since del Lago covers hundreds of acres, it seemed a little odd that the one place for the few people working on the grounds to gather for a chat was the one place the two paying customers on the grounds were trying to hit a ball over two hundred yards of desert but it didn't phase us. Why just the week before at El Rio a 300 pound jackass in an ill fitting sweat suit that showed most of his ass drove across our green with a lit joint in his mouth and a forty ouncer in his mitt and Piolline promptly drained a fifteen footer and I managed to birdie in myself so it's not like we require serene conditions. In this case we both made it safely over the long carry onto the fairway, managed a couple of pars and made it to the second tee, which was thankfully less crowded. Here however, we found that the ball washer, mounted on the side of the cart (the presence of which must explain why almost none are provided at the tee boxes), was bone dry and useless. Since our balls were smudged green and muddy but neither of us had thought to wet a towel since having a functional ball and club washer on the cart normally eliminates the need, we were left standing around spitting on our balls and wiping them on the hems of our collared shirts. This irritated Piolline since he only has about two shirts with collars and, since he sometimes needs them for dress up functions, he can't afford to have grass stains and mud splotches dotting the hems in case he wants to affect an untucked look. We decided at that point that it would be worth it to sacrifice some of our precious filtered drinking water to fill the washer but when we dumped it in it immediately poured out on the ground through a crack in the mounting. When we went to replenish our squandered refreshment from one of the courtesy jugs we found a couple holes later, that proved to be dry as well. On the third tee, which sits atop a steep incline, I was concentrating on grooving a swing when, out of the corner of my eye, I see Piolline sprinting down the path. And while the bastard is not above such distractive behavior just based on the fact that I had pulled out to an early two stroke lead, this seemed a little apoplectic even for him so I pulled off the ball and saw that he was chasing our cart which was picking up speed and headed straight for an embankment and cactus grove. At first we thought one of us had forgot to park it properly but on subsequent hilly holes it soon became clear that the parking brake mechanism was inoperable and, since the altitude variations at del Lago are significant, we found ourselves having to prop the damn thing in the desert all catawampus with chock rocks under the wheels or drive it onto the flat surface of the tee box with us and park it there to keep it from rolling away.

Despite all this we were actually managing to play fairly well which allowed us to notice that the fairways at del Lago are tightly sown and in excellent shape. Skirted by that fluffy longish Bermuda grass that can make for some funky lies if you should stray into it but that also serves to grab your ball and keep it from rolling into the surrounding washes and ravines, the fairways snake through the canyons like basking, well fed rattlers and provide ample target for the semi accurate player. The greens were full and a little shaggy but perfectly kept otherwise and the sand traps were soft and easy to hit from. Once we traded in our cart at the turn and headed out to the back nine in a buggy that would actually remain stationary while we hit we began to settle in and completely enjoyed ourselves and the fact that nobody else seemed to be around. Other than the whine of power tools, pounding of nails, and periodic bursts of worksite jocularity from the plethora of homes being constructed in the area, it was completely peaceful. Having a course like that to yourself is a luxury that allows you to hunt for any errant balls, take your time on all shots, line up your putts and generally enjoy the round as well as the view. When we finished, ours was the only car in the lot but somehow a lone club house boy materialized to help us unload our clubs. Grabbing a rag, he took his position wiping off the club heads as if he were a power forward positioning for a rebound and would not be discouraged or allow us to get near our bags until Piolline finally gave him a five dollar tip. 

Now by way of disclaimer lest we sound like we are complaining about an added expenditure that citizens with any class would take for granted, it should be pointed out that both Piolline and I have spent much of our lives working for tips and understand, as well as anyone could, the position of a young man who takes a job where the patrons are expected to slip you a little something for the effort. The effort, that is, of performing mostly unnecessary services, or even more precisely, services that they could have easily performed themselves had you not been in the way. I personally have toted bags, captained elevators, cleaned rooms, slopped stalls, parked cars, delivered room service, bussed dishes, waited tables, delivered pizzas, and bartended most of my working life and in each job was forced to rely on America's ridiculous gratuity traditions to make a legitimate wage. This is not the worker's fault but rather the system's (the annoyances of which are beyond the scope of this report) and we didn't really mind giving the lad a fiver for running a damp rag over our clubs, especially since the washer on the cart had been broken and they actually needed it. If you're a young man promised by your employer that you'll be making tips for wiping clubs and are counting on those tips for gas money to get home and it's been a slow day, then more power to you for strong arming a couple parvenus from town into sliding you some cabbage. It's not like, despite the young man's persistence, that it was a required payment that we couldn't leave without making since I suppose we could have just pulled the kid off our bags and thrown him to the ground if we had wanted to so it wasn't like we were left with absolutely no choice in the matter. What occurred to us though, as we were driving back to town, is that business, in fact, is all about choices and the question becomes exactly what kind of golf course and business is del Lago striving to be?

At the other nicer courses in town, The Raven, Vistoso, Heritage Highlands, to name a few, the visiting golfer is made to feel like they are stepping into a first class operation. The carts are all smartly tuned up, cleaned up, lined up, and fully functional, the staff is friendly and professional, and the course itself is in excellent shape. Now Piolline and I are not looking to be pampered obviously and would greatly prefer it if, no matter how nice the place was, we were never met in the parking lot by someone wanting to help us carry our bags or greeted at the end by someone to wipe our clubs since we are used to performing these tasks ourselves anyway and the added supposed frills on the service side are more annoying than they are helpful. However, when it is part of the mix at a first class establishment with includes GPS and range balls, noiseless electric carts with all the latest features, complementary tees, chilled plentiful water, cold wet towels for your forehead, or whatever other quirks a course can think of to bestow upon you, it becomes worth it to put up with the added expense and annoyance of the expected tip relationship. Especially if the whole reason you're there, the golf course, is in pristine condition. Being the type of blokes more comfortable slumming it amongst the real folk than hobnobbing, the only reason we would ever think of venturing into most of these places is because you have no choice if you want to be able to take on the challenge provided by a creatively laid out, well maintained golf track. We figure that some of the irritating hoops you have to jump through are worth it but some of them aren't and without the course to back them up or with the expense and extended palms factor thrown in without any of the attached frills to go with them, these become hard formulas to justify.

And del Lago seems to be slipping into the latter category. They have a pristine course, there's no argument about that. The problem is that the carts seem to be crap and the supporting crew, at least the ones outside the pro shop, seems to be petulant and unpleasant. This would be fine at a normal course since you wouldn't have to deal with them if you didn't want to but since they take it upon themselves to approach you in the parking lot and tend to your clubs every chance they get, they are hard to avoid. The second time we paid del Lago a visit a somber guy appeared next to us as we were getting things out of the trunk and insisted on assisting us with the bags for the twenty feet between the car and the cart and was obviously expecting a tip for that although he didn't get one. It was much more crowded on that sunny day and our cart made it down the hill to the first tee in fine fashion but by the third didn't even have the muster to carry us over a small hogback. This forced us to get out and push at times and when we repeatedly engaged the button on the GPS that said "Call Pro Shop for assistance" we never received a response (possibly because the word was out by now how cheap we were). We limped along for a few holes and were about to take our bags off and walk or just trudge through the desert until we found either water or someone with a cell phone when the snack girl finally showed up and grumpily called it in for us. Eventually a different sullen youth delivered a new cart acting somewhat put out and without a word of apology possibly because, as he was making the exchange, he received two other calls on his radio from people in need of rescuing for the same frustration and all this was costing him precious time wiping clubs for coin. Or maybe he expected us to tip him for bringing us a cart that actually worked. Neither of the two carts had sufficient water in the ball washers and none of the people we dealt with ever smiled.

The point is that if del Lago has designs on being a first class club then it needs to step up and be one. The competition is steep in this area with new high end courses going in and improving almost every year. If it does take the extra step and raise prices accordingly we probably won't play there very often but plenty of others might and eventually, once the cacophony of construction is complete, they should have a first rate operation underway. Otherwise, why not abandon all the pomp and circumstance and simply let the course speak for itself. Either raise the prices, get the carts repaired, hire a friendly staff, and make it all inclusive without nickel and diming people every step of the way or abandon the so called frills and just let people play as they come and enjoy a great golf course. 

All that being said and despite the half assedness of the current operation, del Lago remains worth playing if you get the chance meaning that if they are having a special or someone else is paying it can be well worth the short drive from town. The changing elevations and winding canyons add to the aesthetic experience and the perfect condition of the fairways makes staying on them extra rewarding. The acreage has a good feel to it and seems far enough out of town that you feel like you have gotten away from it all without having to really travel all that far. Due to some unfinished business on the course, Piolline and I will be returning eventually and will report on what we find should we notice any significant changes. In the meantime, if you head out to del Lago, you'd be well advised to put your cart through the paces before you get too far from the clubhouse and, if you can afford it, you might make sure you have a wad of singles with you to hand out if you want to take it upon yourself to try and cheer up the help. 

Del Lago Golf Club
14155 E. via Rancho del Lago
Vail, AZ   85641
520-647-1100
Toll Free
1- 877- 4- del-lago

Located in Vail, Arizona, approximately 15 miles Southeast of Tuscon.

Take I-10 East to the Vail-Wentworth exit (279), at the off ramp, make a left turn (heading-north), stay on Vail Road for 3.5 miles. The course is at the top of the hill on your left. Look for the sign.

From the East side of Tuscon, take Houghton Road south to Old Spanish Trail. Continue on Old Spanish Trail approximately 8 miles to Camino Loma Alta. Turn right on Camino Loma Alta. Continue on Camino Loma Alta 3 miles to the stop sign. Turn right at the stop sign. Entrance to del Lago is 500 feet down on your right.