Reader Feedback and Response
 

To Whom Ever Wrote The Sean Nepita Article: 

I found your article on Sean very entertaining. 
|I met Sean while working on the Arkansas River in Colorado 
as we were both raft guides at the same company - college job. 
He became a kayaking buddy and a source of much humor. 
I started following his career after hearing about him being in Titanic and then seeing him in commercials. 
I saw him one other time, in person, as chance had it that I stopped by the rafting company 
while Sean was visiting, this was after Titanic. 

Sean is all that you mentioned in respects to sardonic looks and humor and a good whitewater paddler. 
My wife laughs at me every time I say, "Honey, Sean's in another commercial." 
I too was amazed at the lack of information about him on the web. 

Good luck finding him! 

Best Regards, 

Tim Walker

Tim,

We have contact! Sean wrote in with the below...

"Hey Goliard,

Thank you for your kind and supportive words!  Your article was very much appreciated by
my friends, family, and myself.  Like many people I don't know what tomorrow has in store
for me, but know this, I'm ready for it.
Thank you again.

all the best,

Sean Nepita"

From Seannepita@Mac.com

Dear Ma'am/Sir,

I just read this letter on your web site, and though it's probable that you won't care, 
I wanted to tell you that I think you are way off base to accuse anyone of "buying" an MBA.  
The folks down in Pleasanton, CA are probably pretty bright people with MBA's 
from fairly respectable schools.
I'm working my ass off to get an MBA from a state school, so I can imagine how hard it was 
for them to EARN their degrees.

Enjoy the rest of the day, stewing in your
ill-conceived smugness!

A Concerned Reader

Dear Stephen Williams (aka A Concerned Reader)

Thanks for weighing in on the Safeway situation. Of the hundred or so letters we’ve received since we half
jokingly published this piece a few years ago, yours is the first that mentions the MBA angle. In case you’re interested,
roughly seventy percent of the correspondence agrees with the gist of the letter that Safeway is a
misguided conglomerate with ridiculous employee practices. Another twenty percent take some exception
with our position, or at least the tone in which it was written, and cite various things about their respective Safeway stores that
they appreciate. The last ten, which we suppose now includes your effort, address some part of the posting
that grabbed their attention for one reason or another and that they felt the need to sound off about. One thing that seems
clear looking back at the situation is that Safeway stores and their clientele appear to differ greatly around the country.

As far as the sentiments of your missive are concerned, like one might suspect of an MBA candidate, you seem
to be more focused on some supposed bottom dollar and therefore may have missed the point entirely. The comment about
buying MBAs was meant to insinuate that only a group who had purchased the degrees as opposed to earning
them would be so out of touch. We would like to believe that if someone actually had to battle through graduate level marketing, 
accounting, and economics classes at an accredited institution, they hopefully would have learned somewhere along the line 
that humiliating employees and aggravating customers isn’t really a recipe for building a satisfied clientele base. 
On the other hand, Safeway remains successful, which we’re sure is why you and your ilk have a positive opinion
of them. Walmart is successful as well and we don’t shop there either. Perhaps when you graduate with your hard
earned degree, you can assume a position in the corporate offices of one of them and grab your piece of the pie.

And as far as the staffer who wrote the piece and her alleged ill conceived smugness is concerned, once we let her know 
that she appears to have irritated a self righteous MBA candidate currently working his ass off somewhere north of Pleasanton CA, 
her day may actually improve to the point where she can enjoy it. - ED

From Caryn Finhill <CAF@MSandR.com>
Subject: sean m. nepita
    
just wanted to mention that i know sean ... he & i were in acting class
together in 1996/97

he's everything you say he is and i hope he makes it big.  i love
catching his weird little face on the screen

he was easily the most interesting guy in class ... not the best actor,
not the best looking, but he was really interesting.

happy viewing
caryn

Caryn, thanks for the note. As we lamented below, it is inexplicable that Sean Nepita is not in The Office. Every time that show comes on it's like there's a big empty void in the middle of the room where Sean's cubicle should be. He's more Ryan than that Ryan guy could ever dream of being. It's not to late to add him either. Just introduce him as the new temp. - ED

Goliard, 

I saw your piece on Sean Nepita -- found it interesting/true.  I actually went
to elementary school with him.  he is a great guy.
Thanks for the great comments on him! - C Cox

C. Cox - Thanks for writing. You see what we mean though. Not much info on the guy out there. I can't believe they didn't cast him in that show "The Office" He would have been perfect in about three or four of the roles. His agent must be dropping the ball - ED

Ed

This is James, sports editor of the Arizona Daily Star and I am surprised that you wrote to say that you could not find the time of the UA game. It was on the front page of the Sports section. It was listed in our Sports on the air listings on Page C11. It was listed in the Sports section every day this week. It was in our preseason football section. We run the UA schedule every Sunday after UA games. The times are listed there. If you can't find the time with all of those references, I'm not sure where else we can list it for you to find it.

James Bennett

Well James the sports editor, since the one of us that wrote the letter is not a rabid UA fan and merely sporadically peruses the online edition of your sports page, all of this condescending advice does us no good as we don't often see a traditional version of your paper. We read the linked stories online once in awhile, none of which on that morning, by the way, contained the time of the game. So it's not like we were looking for weeks and couldn't solve the mystery of the opening kick. One of us merely rolled out of bed curious of how to plan a Saturday and wondering whether it should incorporate Stoops’s boys despite his disappointing decision to punt the ball from the opponent's forty with two minutes to go down by a touchdown the weekend before. What we ended up doing was wasting ten minutes clicking on every link in your sports section trying to simply find out when that day's contest was set to commence. Yes we could have easily looked elsewhere like on Yahoo, or Sportsline which is what we ended up doing, (or simply walked to the kitchen to consult the fridge magnet) but since we were in a chair reading your paper online anyway, we figured we'd just go to your “sports on the air" section to get the local lowdown.     

We've noticed in the past however that this feature does not seem to appear every day and, despite your claims, it wasn't available that day (which, oddly, was a weekend when most of the sports are on). We simply found it frustrating and thought you might like to know about it. Thanks anyway though for the tutorial on how to ascertain when a game is to be played if given all week and unlimited access to your print edition to complete the goal. We'll see if we can better inform ourselves next weekend. 

In the mean time our choice to relate our experiences to you should perhaps be viewed, not as a criticism of your overall coverage and layout in the traditional paper, but a notification of an oversight by the web folks. You may ignore it if you wish and certainly shouldn’t feel the need to defend your product any further. Just realize how many information options people have these days and an unreliable tool like your "sports on the air" feature is quickly and easily replaced which means people will happen upon your other offerings with less frequency. This of course portends that your enterprise will slowly but surely become less of a factor and be seen as less vital to the community at which point we'll all be worse off. I don't want to see that happen and assume that you don't either. - Eds

Goliard,

I'm not sure who wrote that article on Brian, but it was very touching and moving.  I'm sure Brian is watching me try not to cry and is having a good chuckle!!!! PL - Flagstaff, AZ

If he's watching, he's chuckling - Ed

Goliard,

Good piece on Brian Corrigan. You really captured a lot of him and the effect he had on people. I'm sure you are right that just before he died, he laughed and said something like, "Man. Here we go again."

When someone dies, no matter how horrible or nice they might have been in life, people, whether it is out of politeness -- not talking bad about the dead -- or whether it is out of fear of death -- maybe if I'm nice, death won't get me -- tend to make a hagiography of the deceased. But God Damn it, Brian Corrigan was special! He was in a word ... magical. He'd come into a room and brighten it up. He'd make people smile. He'd make people's day a little better. Perhaps it was something to do with his paralysis and the uncomfortableness and guilt people feel around the disabled, and the relief they experienced when Corrigan was happy and non-resentful, but I don't think so. Corrigan was just a magical guy, he could brighten your day every time you saw him and make it a little better, and we are all richer for having known him and remembering him.

In James Frazer's The Golden Bough, he tells the story of how in ancient Britain, after a burial, the old men would gather and tell riddles. And when faced with the mystery of death and birth and all the vagaries in between, the conscious telling riddles about the just passed seems appropriate. His personality, the ironic/absurd method of his death, are unsolvable riddles, and I'm comfortable in saying, Brian Corrigan was magical. ML - Tucson, AZ

ML - Well stated. We all have to deal with Brian's passing in our own way obviously but what we do now won't change who he was or help him out anyway so we might as well help each other however we can. - Ed

Goliard,

If the Jiffy guys added too much oil to your vehicle it's a good thing that the other mech. caught that because that could lead to leaks. Changing one's oil is actually fairly easy, albeit a dirty job, but certainly one that anyone can do, especially when there isn't snow on the ground. I had trouble myself changing the air filter in a Forester once. It's not easy to do without disconnecting the hoses. What happens then is that the car will start, only to stall out immediately afterward. I long for the days when the air filter sat on top of the engine and was just a matter of spinning off a wing nut and replacing the donut. Still no excuse for the Jiffy monkeys, who should know how to do it and how not to leave their tools under your hood. Was the extra bolt to the air filter housing? The Forester only has clamps. When you wrote their was a bolt there I was thinking it was to the oil pan, but then you never would have made it to ABQ if that were the case. You would have wrecked your engine long before then I think. CA -Dekalb, Illinois

CA,

We used to change our own oil in the staff vehicles but none of us are currently interested in shopping around for oil and filters, keeping a pan and little ramp around the offices, dealing with proper disposal, and lying on the ground in the driveway even briefly just to save a couple dollars every three thousand miles. It's like making pizza. We can easily do it but so can Z's and for 14 bucks for a small Smokey Western, which feeds one for three days, it's more than worth it to leave the cooking to the professionals rather than prove that we can duplicate their efforts by spending a few dollars less on ingredients and oven warmth. The only problem is that occasionally you’ll get a bad pie or screwed up oil change but it’s pretty rare and more than worth the risk. The point of our review is that a lot of people don’t know the first thing about engines and entrust theirs to places like Jiffy Lube and we want them to understand that there are consequences for shoddy workmanship such as little children being stranded on the side of a lonely road and punches to the jaw. Thanks for your note and it's good to know that some people still think it's worth it to crawl under their cars and bust knuckles on the oil pan rather than spend 11.99. - Ed

Goliard,

The quality of your reviews is poor. Your writing style is obnoxious and lacks finesse. We are familiar with two of the restaurants you have reviewed, and we feel your reviews are harsh. My impression is that there is nothing that can please your reveiwers (sic) and that you have a chip on your shoulder(s). I would recommend therapy for your reviewers and possibly another occupation. - Jose M. Espinoza - teeshirtart@ispwest.com

Jose,

We appreciate the feedback. Since roughly half of our past reviews are positive, we'll have to assume that the two establishments with which you are familiar fell on the other side. Sorry about that. Not that we published the pieces necessarily but that you haven't had the chance to get out to some better restaurants. If you are in the Tucson area try Wildflower, the The Barrio Grill  or Zemam's.

As far as therapy, obnoxious writing and all the rest, you'll forgive us I'm sure if we don't pull the whole enterprise down and check into treatment just because of one negative response. And since nobody is paid here, we wouldn’t feel good about advising our contributors to reassess their varying occupations based on the views of one artisan diner. We certainly appreciate that our site, the variety of opinions it contains and the style in which they are offered will not appeal to everybody. However, since it is free to view, contains no advertising, and obviously represents the ramblings and musings of a group that don’t even take themselves all that seriously, the best we can do is simply publish your missive in the feedback section with all the rest that we get and carry on.

P.S. - We would be glad to tack any positive review you might care to come up with on to the end of which ever of our pages you’ve taken exception to. Our staffers have no axe to grind with any particular establishment and merely jot down their experiences when motivated to do so (often by either bad or good service). So if you are so inclined and have a substantially different tale to tell, feel free to submit and we’ll make it part of the public record. If not, thanks for taking the time to write and may you continue to be pleased with your dining experiences.


Dear Bookwoman, 

I wish I knew your first name, feels strange addressing a business nickname. I read your interview with The Goliard. It sounds like you have a difficult time receiving any serious mail concerning your talent. Sad, but that is part of the behavior model of society. I can empathize.
My physical appearance seems to be detrimental at times when I am trying to relate to people the scientific material I am engaged in. Don't let it bother you in your quest to fulfill your dreams. You must continue pursuing your passion until it manifests into reality. If you can imagine yourself in the lifestyle and profession you desire, it will come to pass. You possess a very rare combination of beauty and brains, something to feel blessed about. If you continue to pursue your talent, I am confident that you will succeed, in spades. If you ever need someone to ricochet off of sometime, send me an e. I can be reached at: damonsprock@cox.net.
www.damonsprock.com
Regards,
Damon Sprock

Damon, I appreciate the kind words. - Bookwoman

Dear Goliard,

The company I work for distributes some military standards/handbooks on our Web site that are pertinent to our general business and would be of interest to our customers or have a non military function. However, there are thousands more that relate to how big shipping containers should be, how much gas to put in your Hummer, etc. So if someone searches Google for military handbooks, our site comes up near the top and as a result I regularly get requests to add documents to the web that are not applicable to our business. I typically respond to those folks in a chipper manner suggesting that they apply for a login/password to the government site and get the documents on their own. For some reason, I've been ending these messages with a treacly "Hope that helps!" closing.

Well, I got a message from first Lt. Carter Agnew this morning saying that no, in fact it didn't help him out at all. He was in the deserts of Kuwait defending the country and had forgotten his password. After several more mentions about the hardships in the deserts of Kuwait, he offered me a suggestion for a list he had compiled with a couple of documents referring to military resources that he hoped someone like me (someone who had plenty of free time since they weren't in the deserts of Kuwait) would be willing to distribute via the Web.

After feeling properly chastened for insensitivity to the needs of our soldiers who are sacrificing themselves *in the desert of Kuwait," I politely refused to post the documents and e-mailed him the standard response again. What would you have done. GH - Nassau, NH

Well GH, it's hard to say what our duty is here stateside to the men and women involved in the conflict overseas. We're against the war obviously but don't think the poor kids that joined the military hoping to earn some money for college or because their guidance councilor told them that it was a good way to get out of a dead end town should suffer any more than they already are "in the deserts of Kuwait" and if putting a few documents on a website can help one of them out then we don't see why you shouldn't. On the other hand if more people refused to go to places like Kuwait and stopped trying to blackmail the emotions of those of us who think they shouldn't be there in the first place then maybe our leaders would rethink some of their policies. In any event, you probably did the right thing and if the military thinks the young man needs the documents then he'll probably eventually be able to get them without your assistance. - Ed

Goliard,

My son and I stayed at a Best Value Inn one time and it was horrible as well. Are there certain minimum standards or does any fleabag roadside flophouse qualify for accreditation in the Best Value Inn stable? What exactly is the point of belonging to a national chain? Doesn't that assure some level of quality for the consumer/patron? What does "best value" mean? Perhaps the Santa Maria Best Value Inn has slipped through the quality control safety net of the Mother Ship. Or perhaps the Best Value Inn moniker stands for nothing, merely a veiled hag in a brothel of beauties. BC - Tucson, AZ

Not sure about that BC but we stayed in the Best Western one time in El Cajon, CA that advertised "Unlimited Internet Access" and "Free Local Calls" so we got online by dialing AOL's local access number and forgot and left the laptop on when we went to the beach. Upon checkout the owner tried to bill us $280 for tying up his phone lines. In the meantime we found somebody masturbating outside our window at night and a hotel employee threatened to urinate on our car for complaining. Not sure what it takes to be in a franchise like Best Value or Best Western but we're pretty sure being "best" doesn't have anything to do with it and they're all individually owned. Live and learn. - Ed

Goliard,

What is the deal with these capri pants I'm seeing everywhere? JKR - Jeff City, MO

This isn't that Rowling lady from Harry Potter we hope. No reason we can think of for her to be rolling around in the Jeff so we'll assume not. And come on JKR, you mean to tell us you're just now noticing Capri pants? We're in our third year of their prevalence back east so we suppose that means they'll probably make their way out your way by next year. Capris are a great trend for women, you can usually find them in a cut that flatters, they're cooler (temperature wise) than pants but dressier than shorts, show a little leg - excellent for work. And the "Fashion Industry" has changed them a little each year to encourage more sales, keep them fresh, keep them "in". First they were just shorter pants, and if anyone heard a goliard Grandmother rest-her-soul say "Oh look, clam diggers are back" it might have ended there. Luckily it didn't, and the second year Old Navy and some other stores made them flare, this year they dropped the flare - which didn't seem to go over that well anyway - and many now have embroidery around the hems. The embroidery was a good move as it makes you buy additional pants because if the stitching is pink you can't wear them with a green shirt, you need another pair of Capris! One can also wear a little more heel with Capris than with shorts - shorts and heels make one look like a street walker, heels with Capris just look a little dressier.

Plus, it takes the eye away from American's fat arses and down to the less fat ankle area. Often dresses up with a tattoo, anklet, pedicure and/or toe ring. Yup, some of 'em seem to believe that a $35 pedicure takes 20 pounds off the ass - which is why they wear the pants so tight. So pack your Jeff City self in to a pair and enjoy. - Fashion Eds

Goliard,

Did you see that horrible story in the New York Times at http://www.nytimes.com/2004/07/12/national/12RAILready.html?hp about the poor girl who got hit by a train. Wasn't one of you bragging recently about outrunning a train in your car while you were driving out in the sticks by where you work? CG - Vail, AZ

CG - Yes we saw it. And we also saw a story from Florida where a boy drowned. Perhaps we should close all the beaches, cement in all the pools, and dam the damn rivers. - Ed

I only pass on the information for your edification. No sense jumping to modest proposals. - CG

CG - Oh good cuz for a second we thought you were an apologist for those too stupid to get by in the world without getting killed by completely predictable objects like trains on tracks and you were supporting more government intervention here in the west where open ranges, railroads, free running rivers, and vast unfenced woodlands are part of our American spirit. Every time some unprepared jackass suffers an avoidable mishap, the call to erect physical and human barriers to our freedoms is renewed as information such as yours is disseminated. Eventually the lawmakers get involved thinking they are answering a cry of the "we need to be protected" public and before you know it the hiking trails and bike paths are off limits since they are not gated and patrolled and padded. Darwin tells us that the weak among us must be sacrificed so that a stronger, more able, less likely to be chewed and spit out by the same elements that have been assailing earth's creatures since it's formation, may prevail. If we continue to support legislation to keep idiots from hurting themselves at the sacrifice of personal freedom and open space, we might as well pave the whole place over and walk around with crash helmets and cups and supporters all the time. See you in Disneyland where the thrill of the ride is greatly diminished by the fact that everything is on a rail. - Ed

Dear Goliard,

That Lindsay Lohan is quite fetching isn't she. Where did you get that picture of her with her boobs coming out. Don't you have qualms about posting that sort of thing while she's underage? Just wondering. BB - White Plains, NY

It's out on the internet anyway here BB which is where we found it and, given that it appears to have been taken in a public place and doesn't actually reveal all that much that would be considered inappropriate, we're not concerned. We wish Lindsay the best but have to admit that the signs are starting to point to trouble. And now someone told us that Scarlett Johannson admitted to having sex in an elevator with Benecio Del Toro. Good for both of them we say. Goliards have never been known for fraternizing with wholesome, pure women exclusively and certainly won't pass judgment from the peanut gallery. - Ed

Dear Mr. or Ms. Goliard, 

I was as surprised to learn of the change at NPR as you were. I believe that is also true for most of the NPR member station managers across the country. As you know, the decision was made by NPR management in Washington, D.C., not by anyone at the local station level. I agree with you that Bob has been, and remains, an excellent host. I began listening to him when he and Susan Stamberg co-hosted All Things Considered in the early 1970s and have only the warmest feelings for him. Despite my personal feelings, however, I believe that NPR management has the right to make editorial and personnel decisions about its programs. Nonetheless, I believe that NPR's handling of the announcement about Bob’s reassignment was poor. NPR management’s initial position on the issue was that the move was part of a plan to develop and broaden the audience for Morning Edition while the program’s performance is still strong. I think that the op/ed pieces by Linda Ellerbee and Ellen Goodman, positing ageism as the reason behind the reassignment, were based on their interpretation of the NPR statement about broadening the audience. I am certain that they felt the statement was really “spin” for going after a younger audience with a younger host. However, Bob's published interviews with Los Angeles Times and other media outlets, and more recently released information from NPR, make it clear that there was a difference of opinion between Bob and NPR management about the latter’s desire to institute the use of a co-host for Morning Edition (as is the case for All Things Considered), and about having the co-hosts file reports about breaking news from the field. Bob was apparently uninterested in sharing the hosting duties or in traveling to remote locations as a reporter. In an audio interview that can now be accessed from the NPR website (npr.org), Bob admits that his ego was responsible for his desire not to share Morning Edition with a co-host. I understand that before the news of Bob's changing role was released, he had already been given leave for the months of May, June and July to go on tour to promote his new book about Edward R. Murrow. So Bob will be away from NPR for three months before his work as Senior Correspondent will begin. As I understand it, in his new role, Bob will contribute to many of NPR's programs, not just Morning Edition. The program’s new interim hosts, Renee Montagne and Steve Inskeep, will take over on May 3. Both are long-time and well known NPR reporters and hosts. I believe that despite the change in hosts, Morning Edition will remain one of radio's premiere public affairs programs, and will continue to be an outstanding source for in-depth and balanced news coverage. A letter from Bob has been posted on the NPR website in which he expresses his hope that NPR listeners will continue to listen to and support their local public radio stations. 

I hope that you will decide that KUAZ is worthy of your continued support despite NPR's internal decision. Should you wish to send comments directly to NPR, I have listed contact information below. 

NPR Website: npr.org 
NPR E-mail: nprcomm@npr.org 
NPR Main Number: (202) 513-2000 
NPR Main Fax: (202) 513-3329 
NPR mailing address: 635 Massachusetts Avenue N.W., Washington, D.C. 20001 
NPR Ombudsman Jeff Dvorkin's e-mail address: ombudsman@npr.org 

Thank you very much for taking the time to write. Your questions and comments are always welcome. 

Sincerely, 

John Kelley, 

Station Manager KUAT-FM & KUAZ-AM/FM

John, We appreciate you taking the time to write and realize this has nothing to do with KUAZ. The check is in the mail. - Ed

Goliard,

Nice rant on that prick Jay Kernis. However after reading it now I'm mad as Hell myself and don't know what to do about it. I would love to just kick that smirking bastard's ass but can't afford to be arrested. I didn't even know Bob Edwards was leaving since he never said anything about it himself. Just another sign of the decay of society. What are they going to do next, replace Vin Scully at Dodger's games or tell Meryl Streep there's just not a place for her in movies anymore? Why don't they just take Garrison Keilor off Prairie Home Companion while they're at it. Shitheads! NG - Ann Arbor MI

 We agree NG that it is infuriating. It would be one thing if Bob was slipping a little or losing control of his faculties but he was going stronger than ever and is a relatively young man. It's the kind of thing that just defies common sense and makes you wonder what the country is coming to. Your letter gives us an idea though. - Ed

Goliard,

How come you guys don't have a personal add section where Goliard readers can meet each other and advertise themselves? Here, I'll start. Twenty something, SWF school teacher seeks interesting guy for fun and travel. JP - Austin, TX

Well there you go JP, it's off the ground. We'll let you know if we hear from any interested parties. By the way, how come you are having trouble meeting people in Austin, TX? We expect these letters from less enlightened zip codes, but Austin? Maybe you should submit a little more info and a picture before we go any further. - Ed.

Safeway,  (care of the Goliard apparently)

I have a safeway paper laying on the table beside me. It was delivered to us last night in the Prospecter. Last night was the 6th. Today is the 7th. Your add in the paper is good for  April the 4th,5th,and 6th. This add was no good to any one. I guess the Prospecter thought no one would notice. I am a safe way shopper, but do not go out at night to shop, because of all of the nuts out there. Thought you would like to know that your add about ran out the day we got it. Only good to those people who shop at night. Sincerely, Hazel Thrush

Well thanks for writing Hazel. We appreciate anyone who feels strongly enough about an issue to take to the keyboard and pound out a complaint regardless of how poorly punctuated and nonsensical it is. Not sure where this particular offending Safeway store is or of the circulation of the "Prospecter" (sic) but Safeway be warned, if you piss off enough of the good folks of this great country like Hazel and Wilbur Thrush, it will eventually begin to show in the bottom line. - Ed.

Hey Goliard,

Why no nudity in the Angelina Jolie piece? I can usually count on you guys to link to some good skin shots and was looking forward to seeing a little more of Angelina then pictures of her as a kid and stills from her latest film. What gives? HB - Victoria, British Columbia

HB - Just didn't feel right. We're sure there's plenty of it out there though. Ms. Jolie has never been shy. - Ed

Dear Goliards, 

First, I would like you to read this message with a French accent in order to grasp the intimacy of our fellowship. Let me introduce myself, my name is Aymerick-Alexander Thérie-Chaupin. You can call me Ricky if you like. A year ago, I and a bunch of fellow students decided that it was time for a change. We realized all our education is made to dresponsabilise us, and make us happy just being entertained by careers, movies, diplomas, and other flatulences. In France, we brought to life the first glimpses of a project that, we hope, will interest you. The idea is to give to people time and matter to discover themselves, live on their own (not alone though), responsabilised, which means, in our vocabulary, not obliged by laws, but only by their own will to be in harmony with themselves. In ordre to do that, we proposed to friends to create what we call "autonomy place", where people, of any kind, could find material to work on the projects, any kind, from philosophy to woodwork, that they have in mind, in total freedom, of course. The only limit is what they would judge to be theirs. We are currently building the first site, and preparing two associations, that will only last one year, to preserve ourselves from the laws that would oblige us to fit into any kind of institutional suit (from taxes, to administration obligations, etc...). The idea is not to be a political party (come on), but a place, a living place where anybody could find the resources that our modern world believe to be deserved (nonsense). We do not carry anything with us other than the idea to discover our true intimacy, independently from modern psychology, modern obligations, and more. Of course, the project is more complex, not philosophically, but in the ways we plan to make it concrete. That is why, we invite you to enter in contact with us, so we could share ideas, and pleasant ways of helping. For instance, one of our first mission is to go without food into a wild forest, with a couple of canoes, and try to understand how you can live in the forest, with nothing more than a little knowledge of its inner structure. It is a way to show that nature is not the hostile being our world would like us to believe (a good way to make us think that we will always be dependant of the state, the city, agriculture, industry), and so to show that it is possible to live as long as you take just a few minutes to look at something, and try to taste it. If you are interested about knowing more, I would be glad to share ideas with you. At the end, we would like to build "autonomy places" all over the world, thus, they would become places where to rest before pursuing our marches around the globe to be in contact with people, projects and, of course, true ceremonies of amusement. I hope, I wasn't to enigmatic. But, hey, what do you know, it's always funny to read a message that doesn't make any sense at first. Keep in touch :-) (I'll try to improve my English, I promise, ha ha ha).

It makes perfect sense to us and good luck to you in the endeavor. Unfortunately we are too bogged down in our flatulent lives at the moment to be able to assist you in anything other than spirit. Break us free! Break us free! - Ed 

Goliard,

I just thought I would write you a note after reading about how you like eating here at the Nugget Diner. I am making it my destiny to tell all people how really nasty and dirty the Nugget is. There are millions upon MILLIONS of cockroaches. The food is mostly expired. And many other things that will turn my stomach if I must write them down. The owner will not spray for the roaches as he says it is too expensive. Ugh - A friend in Reno.

So noted. Having worked in food service on and off for many years, we unfortunately aren't surprised in the least with your report. If people knew half of the hygiene and cleanliness story behind the establishments preparing the food they eat, most of them would lock themselves away and go completely organic. On the other hand you could be a disgruntled ex employee out to smear their good name because they caught you pinching tips from the other waitresses. Feel free to submit more details and we'll be glad to publish them. - Ed

Hey Goliard whoever you are,

I attended grad school at the University of Arizona a few years back and went on a drunken stumble this one night with this writer guy I met that ended up playing out almost exactly like that Swede story you just published. The dumpster, the Jesus thing with the bag, even the underground bar. Problem is the night didn't stop there and we ended up passing out in this loft downtown somewhere and when I got up, he was gone and so were my panties. All attempts to locate him again failed and I never saw him afterwards since I got my degree and left. Who wrote it? What gives? Don't make me file some sort of papers to find out. RD - Portland, OR

Don't know what to say about that R other than maybe watch out when you associate with writers. You're bound to end up without panties and in print at some point. Unfortunately our privacy policy remains unchanged and we can't divulge identities around here. Unless of course you're talking a paternity situation in which case get in touch with us off line. - Ed (a different one)

Goliard,

I keep hearing people say "feed a cold, starve a fever." What the hell does that mean? What if you have a cold and a fever. Please elucidate. JH - Oshkosh, WI

Well JH of Osh Kosh by Gosh, a little research by the staff turned up the fact that the actual phrase that the current phrase you keep hearing must have come from was once something like "If you feed a cold you'll end up starving a fever" which seems to mean that you should actually starve a cold. The desultory look we gave the question didn't reveal anything concrete except several conflicting viewpoints and mixed medical evidence to support both feeding a sickness with protein and starving the body to let it work on fighting the germs instead of digestion. I guess we would say go ahead and eat if you feel like it and listen to your body. We also read that there actually is something in chicken soup that does help with cold symptoms but that doesn't do the vegetarians much good and all the hormones in the chickens probably offsets the benefits. Why not just open a can of worms and fork that down? Hope you feel better. - Ed

Hello,

I know it was written back in November of 2002, but I absolutely loved reading your ripping of John Mackovic. No doubt you're glad to be rid of the jack-ass. As a Texas Longhorn fan, I'm also relieved he's no longer part of our program, though he did have a couple of big wins. His numerous mind-numbing defeats and crappy (nicely put) disposition made him intolerable. I'm writing a book on Texas football, and no doubt his sins will be included. Again, I really enjoyed your piece on him. Thanks, - Bert Hancock - Austin, TX

We appreciate you saying so Bert and are definitely glad to be rid of him. We'll look for your book and give it a plug when it comes out. - Ed

Goliard,

They shoot horses don't they? MN - Burlington VT

Probably M, but we're glad to say that at least they don't do it right on the track anymore. We're not sure about the old myth that you must shoot a horse with a broken leg since it will never keep weight off it long enough to heal but we know there are certain leg injuries from which horses do recover to lead long comfortable lives out to pasture. Since if the Goliard dogs were horses they would have shot both of them by now we can attest to the fact that it is sometimes very expensive to keep animals on four feet. Worth it in our opinion but we'll stop at that. - Ed

Goliard,

Where do you come out on the Democratic primaries? BN - Sausalito CA

Well, BN, as an apolitical publication we try to avoid commenting on the current state of the country lest we alienate some of our sponsors but that aside we think that just the fact that everyone seems to be talking about them is a good sign. And on a similar note one of us was talking to a prison guard the other day who, by reputation and appearance is about as red necked and gun crazy as they come, and he had this to say apropos of nothing. "That Bush is one dumb of a dumb shit." I guess all we would say is that we would prefer it if someone at least smarter than any of us here at the publication was running the country and all of the Democratic candidates seem to make our current leader seem like a mental infant. However we're going to resist the temptation to get too involved and stick to our usual frivolous unimportant drivel. - Ed

Dear Goliard,

I am interested in getting to know the Swede. I know you probably can't give out her address or real name but could you tell me where she lives at least. I mean in what town so maybe I can run into her at a bar or something. She is exactly what I'm looking for. I have read everything about her and must admit that I am more than a little smitten. I'm 28 but look kind of young and would send her a picture if she would write to me. Or if you could tell me how to get a hold of her I would appreciate it. CT - Tucson, AZ

Well CT, you're right in assuming that we can't give out her address or real name but we suppose we could provide some clues as to where to find her although we might warn you that she is a hard one to peg and somewhat psycho about close relationships. We know she visits your home town once in awhile and probably try's to frequent all the trendy places although she mentioned to us last time we saw her that she was hanging at the Macaroni Grill when she was in Tucson last which hardly seems like her projected style but who knows. She also has been seen cruising the strip in some sort of Town Car or Lebaron or something driven by this fishy looking kid so you might be able to pull up next to her and strike up a conversation that way. The rest of the time she's out of area and isn't exactly forthcoming with where exactly her travels take her. We know she has been to Vegas, the gulf coast, and the White Mountains in the past along with Santa Fe and Washington D.C. but we're not sure the nature of her business or how often she returns to these places. Good luck is all we can say and if you find her let us know. She owes us money. - Ed

hi! 
i'm an italian girl from Genova. 
i'm searching for some info about english/american authors of the XX century (if possible,from 1900 to 1920..) who followed the GOLIARDIA.
i've a final exam at school and i'd like to tell my teacher about goliarda in Italy, France and England (or USA). 
i'll speak about the BAISTROCCHI as one of the most important goliardic companies here in Genova, but i need some info about English and American authors that, in literature, followed this trend. in style, in writing, in way of living....everything!! 
can you help me? thank you  - VaLe - Genova, Italy

VaLe,  We've always dreamed of getting an e-mail that opened with the line "I'm an Italian girl from Genova." Unfortunately we're not sure we can help you with your project. Despite publishing a monthly rash of pasted together online garbage called "The Goliard" we don't have much information on the historical trends of the actual fellows themselves and have no idea what the BAISTROCCHI is. Some sort of performing troupe? The closest thing we can think of that may have been similar in this country is the American Beat Writers of the fifties such as Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. They were more free form poets but ended up being political since their writing often pushed the envelope and made the powers that be angry with them.  Also Joyce was a probably a secret goliard, as well as Kenneth Patchen, the Diggers, and the San Francisco Mime Troupe. How much do you know about the real goliards of the XIIth and XIIIth century? We have limited access to books on the original goliards. Yale is supposed to have a good collection on them but we don't get there very often. Is this a research paper for University or a shorter project? In other words, how young a girl from Genova are you before we pursue this any further. Ciao! - Ed

Goliard.

Hey! I was reading your letter to Hefner and Playboy the other day and couldn't agree with you more. Now why don't you write him another one asking him what gives with the skank he put in as centerfold in the 50th anniversary issue. The prior issue featured all these candidates for the layout most of them beautiful and then I open the 50th, which will probably be a best seller and collectors item, and find some chick that I wouldn't look twice at if I saw her on stage off the strip here in Vegas. I think the old guy must be losing his eyesight.- CV Henderson NV

Egads CV from NV. you're right! We hadn't noticed her before but that is definitely not 50th anniversary material. We saw probably ten girls more attractive than that kewpie slattern at the University of Arizona Science library just this morning. And as one of our more demure female staffers noted when we showed her the picture for an opinion from the fairer sex - "She looks like one of those blow up dolls with a bunch of orifices where dicks can go in her." We swear she's normally demure. Anyway, thanks for pointing this out although I don't think it will necessitate another letter to Hef. The poor old guy is obviously overextended these days as it is. And you're right as well that some of the candidates that he could have used from the previous issue are gorgeous. - Ed

Dear Goliard,

Please let me know who owns R. B. Rice's Chili blocks? I am interested in ordering it. I live in Winter Haven Florida and love Rice's chili blocks. Please let me know how I can order a case of it. - Grumpy Rat 675 Lake Henry Lane Winter Haven Fl 33881 

Grumpy Rat - What is it with this rice chili block stuff? We get more mail about this then we do about almost anything else. We don't know anything about it other than that it seems to be unique to the Midwest and goes in Mo's Mostaccioli. We do know however, that they have other types of chili block on the market that work just as well. Alright Alright we'll look into if for you. But this really isn't what we signed up for.
 
Dear Goliard,

Do you have a recommendation for a restaurant in Tucson with festive Christmas decorations? That was very popular back East and we haven’t found the ideal spot to enjoy fantastic decorations and food, also to celebrate the Christmas season. What is your choice? - Sue Ambler 

Sue - To be honest we can't think of a good answer to this one. Most decorations look cheesy to us what with the plastic reindeer and over blown light shows but it does seem like a tasteful display shouldn't be that hard to find. One would think places with patios could do some nice things with some of the trees and awnings but we haven't come across anything. On the other hand we haven't been to all that many places either. We'll put out our feelers and let you know. - Ed

Goliard,

I thought you should know that in the mail last week came a "town census", claiming that it only wanted to know how many people lived in town so the School Board could make informed decisions about future building plans.  But included with the census were two forms about having three days of food and water on hand in case of emergency.  Since I don't live in an area prone to earthquakes, tornadoes, floods, or ice storms is there something I should be worrying about?  - Confused suburbanite

Probably CS although we have no idea what. It might not be a bad idea to stock up on emergency rations regardless of the color of the nation's security alert though since something is liable to happen some time and you'll only be kicking yourself if, say, frogs start raining down from the heavens and you have to sit there and watch the whole mess without a glass of water and a cracker - Ed

Goliard,

While we mostly agree with the restaurant reviews that you all put out as far as the food goes we have noticed an underlying theme in that you always seem to be complaining about the chairs. What is the deal? Perhaps do a little less dining out or mix in a salad once in awhile. How big is your ass anyway that it can't fit into all these seats comfortably? Just curious. KH - Oracle, AZ

Believe it or not K we have been considering this very question recently when we noticed the same trend ourselves. And while the reviewer in question admits that he is not comfortable most of the time when sitting around anyway, he doesn't consider himself to be any kind of physical oddity and at 6'2" 235 would hardly seem abnormal enough of body type to warrant such constant discomfort. If you visit the restaurants in question and find that you have no problems then maybe we'll revisit the issue with a different staff member. Or better yet write a review yourself and submit. We have no axe to grind with any of the establishments and are merely reporting the experiences we have. We thank you and your slender backside for reading in any event. - Ed

Howdy Deacons of the Subgenius,

Could you give me some guidance as to the Flagstaff, AZ devotees?

Smith Commajon

Smith - We assume you are inquiring after the Reverend J.R. Bob Dobbs and his ilk and while we appreciate your figuring out that we are loosely affiliated we really have no knowledge of the inner workings of the congregation and are not privy to their schedules or devival info. Although we have studied the writings in the past, in truth we merely wile away the hours at a bar of the same name these days and can't offer much assistance.  Visit http://www.subgenius.com for more info on Bob and thanks for writing anyhow. - Ed

Goliard,

Don't you think there should be more than one page in a computer wizard? Some software company tried to sell us a wizard where basically you clicked on "Finish" and that's was it. How is that a wizard? I expect to see at least two subsequent windows with at least a choice to make or two if I'm being promised a wizard. Am I wrong here? MB - Rutland, Vt.

M - We agree that sounds like a lame wizard but would need more information about the functionality of said tool to be of any help offering advice. Are there any buttons to click at all or options or is it just one big "Finish" button? - Ed

Dear editor,

Who are you people? Who has time for this sort of thing? Don't you have anything better to do than post crap on the internet? Just wondering.  JB - Bend, Oregon.

JB - Yes we have much better things to do as a matter of fact but they all take forethought, planning and organization. - Ed

Goliard,

Hi, did you know that you are a googlewhack? And judging by the content of
your website I would guess that you contain thousands. Tom C - wonderfulamazingme, USA

Tom - No we weren't familiar with our status as googlewhacks. Now that we've researched the matter a bit however and found out what a googlewhack is it isn't all that surprising. Thanks for bringing it to our attention and may we now suggest that you go in search of some undulating nun's bloomers and proceed to sandblast them with a fragrant mist of noisome bacon drippings and mount them on a gila monster's outhouse near the old wallaby hides and cosmic tricycles. - Ed

Goliard Eds,

Thank Gawd someone is leading the charge on this Mackovic thing. Can you believe he is still sticking around? Where does the guy get off? Did you see that after the Purdue game he was whining about the other team running up the score when they were using their third and fourth string players? What were the Purdue kids supposed to do when they finally got a chance to play just lie down like his kids apparently have? This isn't the NFL. The kids are on scholarship (or in the Purdue case probably walk-ons) to play the game they love and they finally get in and Mackovic expects them to take a knee so he doesn't look any more ridiculous than he already does. This guy is a bad loser and an embarrassment to the program. Keep up the good work and maybe this guy will get the hint and skip town so we can go back to loving our team. Carlin Taves - Solomon, AZ

CT - We're not exactly leading any charge but merely voicing our opinion and our displeasure with the man and his coaching style. As we (and the letters below) have pointed out, it is not necessarily about wins and losses but more the integrity and pride we used to have in our program that is now gone. The feeling that things, regardless of result, were being done with some semblance of class and in a spirit in tune with the rest of the University's sports programs. Andy Lopez wins and loses with class. Joan Bonvincini does. Rick Larose does. Mike Candrea and Lute do (although they mostly win so it's hard to tell) Dick Tomey did. Jerry Kindall did. Based on his behavior so far, this guy does not deserve to have his name anywhere near that list. - Ed

goliard,

i would just like to say as an arizona alumnus, i am disgusted by what this
man has done to our football program. but i hold jim livengood equally to
blame. he hired mackovic and thats his legacy. cedric dempsey built our department.
livengood inherited a perennial top 10 sears trophy school and has merely
sustained it. but hes taken our football program back decades.  long live dick
tomey! - jm - az

jm - Here here. We don't know that much about Livengood other than he hired La BM, once hired Mike Price and seemed to have some egg on his face after last years Men's Final Four although we can't remember the exact details. Something about scheduling Mormon schools on Sunday. We have been told that Lute likes him and Peter Likens supports him but really don't have much to go on. We wished he would have supported Tomey obviously but maybe Dick was fed up with the situation and didn't want support. We'll see how it plays out. Just based on the fact that he hired Mackovic and has put us in a situation where we are hog tied by the high salaries of two men who aren't coaching here anymore. Tomey, who is in the last year of his contract, and Mackovic who is reportedly on campus somewhere but obviously not earning the money, is enough for us to ask for his resignation.  - Ed

Editor,

It would be great if the Goliard caught up with a few of the graduated UA players who endured La BM over the past two years. Swearing to protect their identities - if they even care - you could ask them: "Having played for (La BM) and knowing what you know of the experience, if you were a high school senior being recruited by U of A by the current coaching staff, would you consider attending the U of A?"

Also, it would be a great service to the community if you could obtain the names of some of the players actually being recruited by the U of A right now. Swear to protect their identities and then ask them for their views about the program as presently configured and whether they are seriously considering the U of A.

If you actually got any kids to say they are planning on playing for La BM, it would be interesting to note their high school positions, as well as their heights, weights and times in the 40 - and their GPA's.

This sort of data would be very useful in underscoring your spot-on views of "La BM." No top tier athletic or intelligent kid could possibly consider coming to play at U of A under this regime. Hammer that point home in the words of the kids themselves and the university can do the math concerning the black money hole the football program has become under you-know-who.

So long as the coaching equivalents of cancer cells - and there are more of them besides La BM floating around in big time college sports - are allowed (paid huge sums) by schools like the U of A to get their hands on hopeful young people and destroy them by subjecting them to such corrosive rot, the term "higher education" becomes a sick oxymoron.

What we have here is not the higher education of the kids who are trying to enjoy school and life by playing a game. It's a lower degradation of them - day after day, week after week and, in the case of UA, year after year.

The hell with the lopsided scores. They will pass into memory. It's the damage being done to the kids. They will have to carry these negative experiences with them for the rest of their lives.

John Harrington - Founder Editor, Writer, Researcher, Handyman saltzone writing and recording co-op

John - You make some excellent points and we agree there is much work that could be done and multitudes of angles of offense in the La BM situation that we could exploit if we wanted to put in the time to make our point once and for all that this man is doing perhaps irreversible damage to the University not to mention the lives of the young men that have to endure his bait and switch regime. Having access to limited resources however, we at the Goliard are hoping that something happens soon so that we won't have to do any more than we already have. It is worth noting however that as the letter below mentions, the man is the highest paid state employee in Arizona and is doing the most damage. It's like the return of Evan Mecham. If there is any sense of justice, he will either leave on his own accord or be shown the door very soon. If this does not transpire, we may be forced to do some of the very things you suggest and carry the torch of dismissal into the streets to the people. We've received enough letters like yours to know that the groundswell exists in the community to get the man out. Time is of the essence however since the damage is ongoing and we agree that it is not the losing or the lopsided scores but the man's acerbic, condescending and disrespectful presence that we find infuriating to the point of taking action. - Ed

Dear Goliard,

I assume the "M" in "BM" stands for Mackovic?  How about the "B"?

The "La BM" article is absolutely hilarious.  It neglects to mention one important item which is the icing on the stupidity cake.  If I'm not mistaken, Mackovic is the highest paid Arizona state employee.  You've got to be kidding.  Citizens who aren't football fans should be outraged from a simple economic standpoint, especially in light of the current state budget crisis.   We citizens that are football fans should also be outraged, for all the reasons nicely articulated in your article.

The bottom line is we stink.  We stink worse than anyone ever could have imagined. It won't get better until La BM is gone.  Rumor has it Mike Price is already in line to replace him.

Keep up the good work and let's get this alleged coach out of here. - John Leader, Attorney
Tucson, AZ

John - Thanks for pointing out that we are being fleeced by La BM in yet another way as UA football fans and as Arizonans. We at the Goliard can't complain to loudly however about La BM moneywise as we just banked another couple C-Notes on today's Purdue game. Despite the bookmakers growing awareness of how bad a coach La BM is, he continues to sink lower than expected and fail to even come close to covering the spread on a weekly basis.

Thanks for reading and writing. Oh and if memory serves the term "La BM" originally was taken from the French phrase meaning "The overdressed Bowel Movement."  - Ed

Dear Goliard,

Having received an invitation to an Outfest Party next month we are at a loss as to the etiquette of these events. Does one bring a floral arrangement or bottle of chablis? How should one dress? If a friend unexpectedly "Comes Out" do we send a gift later? Need one apologize for being straight? The party is on a Sunday afternoon in Philadelphia. - Signed, a pair of New England Breeders

Breeders - Thanks for the letter although, again we are having trouble understanding why we strike the gentle reader as someone who would have any insight or advice to offer on matters gay. Just off the top of our heads though we'd say a coming out party would not command a gift but a mere show of support best supplied by one's non judgmental attendance and apparent comfort with the whole affair. Depending on the family history and social setting and to how many people this party will be a shock and awe situation, the appearance of a pair of normally dressed, comfortably demeanored breeders should suffice rather or not you chose to BYOB. But again, we really have no experience to draw on in these matters and are merely speaking off the cuff. - Ed

Goliards,

You certainly are a group of superbious  jackasses. Clearly prone to relieving your dudgeon with the nippitate and fankled in your self promotion charette. Wasting time at dypsomaniacal skullduggery coupled with flechette tossing. A group of facinorous limicules to be sure. Peter Dick Cromulent - Tucson, AZ

Ed - Well written you bloviating, facinerous, ventripotent inuncter of daspygal harridans.

Dear Goliard,

We visited your Web site and would like to swap links with you. We are Beauty Product reviews (www.beauty-product-reviews.com, PageRank 4). We will gladly post your link, a short description, and your banner (if you'd like) to your site from our site if you agree to link back to us. Our links page (which can be accessed from the home page) is located at: http://www.beauty-product-reviews.com/links.html If you would like to swap links, please submit your link or banner to us at: http://www.beauty-product-reviews.com/links/addlink.htm. Here is our information:
Web Site Name (please post exactly as shown): Beauty Product Reviews = Web Site URL: http://www.beauty-product-reviews.com Description: Find out what other people have to say about beauty products you'd like to try. Choose from editors' and readers' favorites. And don't forget to submit your own review. Thanks and have a great day. - Linda B. Porter, Editor.

Ed - Um, No we do not desire to "trade links" with you nor do we wish to find out what other readers think of beauty products we'd like to try. We appreciate the random offer but we're not sure Goliard readers would be greatly convenienced by having a link to your site and likewise are unconvinced that visitors of the Beauty product page would be flocking to the Goliard. We suspect you did not actually visit The Goliard and make the decision that we were of like purpose and would perhaps want to "swap links" but rather are mass e-mailing sites based on some lame stratagem obtained through perfidious means. Nice try and thanks anyway.

Dear Goliard,

We are former residence (sic) of the Kansas City area and now are living in South Bend, IN. I am in LOVE with R.B. Rice Chili and cannot find it in our area.  I understand the product is sold only in Kansas and Missouri.  Is there any way I can order the Chili?  Can you please help me? Thanking you in advance. A R.B. Rice Chili/Sausage LOVER and I miss my products North Bend, Indiana

Ed - Not sure we can do much for you RB Lover other than to let the readers know of your plight and suggest that they e-mail in with suggestions. We have no correspondents in the Midwest and rarely pass through the area. If we hear anything we'll let you know. 

Readers may e-mail Sforbach@aol.com with any solutions to this dilemma or if they happen to be passing through KC on their way to South Bend and wouldn't mind packing some extra chili and sausage. For those not keeping up this letter is more fallout from the Goliard site, June 2002 Mo recipe thing.

Goliard Gays,

Dammit here you go with that gay thing again. Why would you chose to cover a festival of flaming fags marching during this country's most famous street during its proud parade season? I renounce your publication and will not be signing on again. Go plug each other from behind. EH - Narragansett, Maine

Ed - Good Riddance.

I was reading with interest your Swede article and have some input. - The Swede does sound like she fits a type. She's the kinda pretty but could lose a few, wants to be the one the guys take the long walk across the bar for, but is usually overshadowed by her prettier friend. Maybe she's envious of the women who had their life mapped out in high school and hit the target dates. She had the same plan but it didn't fall into place for her. (her friends married and had babies or went into grad school right after college, are on track to finishing grad school and getting being pregnant out of the way before they hit 30, she's done neither and it isn't looking promising) Should be living the life everyone looked forward to when they were stuck in high school, she's single and has a job and should be out partying and doing exciting things and her life should be like a cross between Seinfeld, Friends and Will&Grace. Wants to look like/be Ella Caliente, but knows she won't be able to cut it. Wants the attention but then is afraid of it because she isn't as pretty/thin/fun as the other contenders for center ring. Thought she wanted to be in the middle of The Goliard - that would fix everything, but then felt she wasn't photogenic enough and was embarrassed to go out and pose for enough pictures so a few good ones could be picked out. Maybe wants to be with a more interesting guy but is afraid to lose the safe bet she already has. Wants to be sought after, maybe more interested in having guys want her than in actually being with them, then doesn't know what to do when she actually gets their interest. Maybe she wanted to be chased more, but didn't want to take any risks herself. Of course I actually know nothing about her and am not sure why she brought out all this analysis in me. I'm just a casual reader of your site. I like that Swede story though. Interesting and sort of a short story in disguise. You guys do that stuff well. Keep it up. NG - Undisclosed Location

Ed - Thanks for the kind words. If you haven't guessed, we can't figure the Swede out either so you could be as right on as anyone. If we ever do, we'll make sure it makes the pages.

Dear Goliard,

The recipe for Mo's Mostaccoli (Goliard site, June 2002) is not practical for over 95% of Americans. It is based on block chili, sold only in Kansas and Missouri by R.B. Rice (marketed by Sara Lee Foods under their Jimmy Dean line).

When any of our family visits Kansas City, we network to arrange a huge buy of block chili, solely for making mostaccoli. It's just that tasty and unique. The recipe on your site should include an update telling the reader of the very limited availability of block chili. J Dofing - Ocala, Fla

Ed - Thanks for the heads up. We love Mo and her Mostaccoli but she failed to mention that it was only possible to make correctly if you happen to be shopping for block chili in the middle flat states. We contacted her about this and she claims there are substitutes available that do not embarrass the recipe but admits that the R. B. Rice stuff is indeed the dad of all block chilis. We'll make the note so readers aren't led astray. It seems like Sara Lee could let the rest of the country in on the prize though with the distribution network they've got.

Hi, Bookwoman --

I enjoyed your review of Laura Hillenbrand's book. The part about your puppy caught my eye. In another review, Jane Eyre, you mentioned two Newfs. I have two beautiful rescues--rottie and a golden. I am a Seabiscuit researcher, correspond with Laura and her friends regularly, and if you would like pix of the Biscuit and Pumpkin and much more, I have two hard drives full of stuff if you're interested. On another note. That picture in the pinstripe suit is incredible. If that's you, you must be beating guys off with a police baton--a mere stick wouldn't do. Write me. If you're on the level, I'll make it worth your while. GK - Soaring Trumpet, CA

Ed - Thanks for the kind words about the review and please note that there is another Biscuit related item on the site here. As far as puppies catching your eye, beating guys off with a police baton, the pinstripe suit, and being on the level, that's the beauty of the Goliard, it is offered as a sum of it's parts. No extractions and isolations allowed.

Goliard - You have some great nude shots of actresses in the Movie Man's movie reviews. Does he have a personal collection that he had to pay for or what? If so, how do I get access to something similar? KJ - Enumclaw, WA

Ed - The Movie Man once said that it is relatively easy to gain access to these shots simply by searching the Internet. Most of them come from actual movies and with today's digital and DVD technology, all a person needs to do is pop in the DVD, stop at the desired naked scene, scan or photograph the still image, and upload it to a computer. He says he never did this himself of course but if you see a picture in his reviews you can bet he probably got it the same way you got to his review - by searching for, say Jessica, Biel, nudity on Google (she's our most popular download for some reason). Be warned though that some readers have complained that they went out to see a film just because they thought the scene linked to in the review was taken from the current picture. This isn't always the case. If you are interested in this kind of thing there is a great resource at The Bare Facts that should help you save some coin.

Goliard - I agree wholeheartedly with that Kingfisher review. That place is a big steaming pile of crap. I stopped by before my long drive up the hill, and nearly shat myself before I got home. Something didn't agree with me. You should have seen the mess. I was ..... DELETED - TW - Summerhaven, AZ.

Ed - Easy Tee dub. We are about to go give it a fourth or fifth chance. Based on your experience, maybe we'll wait awhile.

Goliard - So I was sitting here in my dismal little apartment overlooking lovely and talented Lee St. in Tucson, pondering how to slaughter my noisy neighbors who love to listen to bass heavy loud carnival music, taking a break from trying not to be unemployed after four years of wandering and enjoying life, listening to Mike Doughty's solo work, searching that magical thing I like to call the web for restaurant reviews in Tucson when I came across the Goliard. (Why use proper punctuation or grammatical stylings when you can use a ponderous run on sentence instead?)

It has kept me interested for a good 20 minutes and I don't know what the hell it's all about. It appears to be a long complicated inside joke, yet it's formatted as if you intended to do something with it more than amuse yourself. All well and good to amuse yourself. I can't fault you for that as I have been doing that all my life.

So what's the deal, man? More or less than it looks? Tastes great or less carp? Six of one or a half dozen mini-frosted donuts?

Leaving reality of websites aside, I'd like to take some umbrage with the letter to cyclists in Tucson. Now, I will admit that most of the cyclists in Tucson are idiots who wouldn't know how to ride on an empty street much less a zippy traffic laden street like Broadway. The drivers in Tucson are even more ridiculously unskilled than the bicyclists.

What's so hard about going around a guy on a bicycle? I rode to work in Manhattan through Queens (some pretty serious traffic there caused by taxi drivers with nothing left to lose) nearly every day for years and rarely saw a driver panic at the sight of a simple bicycle. Messengers dart through lanes of traffic moving at 30 mph with nary a problem. Hell, I once rode between two semis for most of the length of 3rd Ave. and didn't get squished once.

Here in Tucson, I've seen grown men wearing cowboy hats weep openly at having to shift a few inches to the left to avoid slaughtering a bicyclist with their 12-foot high pickups. Is it the potential for a scratch that frightens them? The blood stains? I just don't get it. It's not hard to hose blood off a car. At best it will cost you a dollar and a few minutes of your day. I think that's a low price for getting to kill someone.

And while I'm on this little rant about bicycling, why is it that fat old women and men feel compelled to wear the lycra bicycle shorts? Wear a pair of sweat pants until you get under 300 lbs and then make the fashion leap.

Whew...I'm all tuckered out.

Anyway, if you like Greek food you might want to check out El Greco if you haven't already. It's not super-spectacular but the chicken salonika was quite nice. I would ask for rice instead of spaghetti if I had to do it over again. The vegetarian dolmathes were sufficiently lemony too. There's something to be said for lemonyness.

If you can, get a seat in the deathmatch cage in the front by the bar. That's where all the action takes place after they set your cheese on fire as an appetizer. Remember to yell out, "Opah!" as you tear your opponent to shreds. - Scott Christensen aka Never drink 27 cups of coffee in a single day.

Ed - Thanks for taking the time to write Scott although we aren't quite sure how to answer your main question as to what we're all about other than to refer you to our editorial policy and say that we probably fall somewhere between what you seem to be trying to do at ewav.com and the New York Times Online. We are original fiction, commentary, reviews, one joker's opinion, poetry, photography, plagiarism, cronyism, jingoism, anarchy, aesthete, ruffian and fool. Our staff vacillates between one and twenty, our mission from nil to the stars, and our resolve from firm to groveling on our cheesy knees. No agenda is our agenda. We are the good old boys and the party girls, the jackasses and the dead serious. We are the world. We are the children.

We are goliards.

You're free to join us if you like and we'd be glad to feature some of your writings or link to your site. You can be one of our many men on the loose that report in from time to time. Should you accept you will immediately be awarded the same seniority as the rest of us, given a parking space up front and paid in keeping with the average of both new hires and senior staff which is of course, jack squat. We also have a profit sharing plan.

Goliard - tell the truth....that Aussie guy is no Aussie. He sounds more like some dirty, unwashed, whinging little P.O.M.E.! - CAG - Brisbane, Australia

Ed - Attacking a small doll that can't defend himself? Is that what passes for sport down under these days? Why don't you go wash a wallaby or something more productive. And as for the cleanliness issue, your eyes deceive you as the little guy is clean as a whistle which would seem to indicate that he has in fact been washed. He has never whinged anything to our knowledge and can hardly be a prisoner of mother England as he has never left the post he mans atop a bookcase in the Goliard newsroom (right next to a humidor and a perfect replica of Seabiscuit). However a spokesman for the little fella's spokesman admits that he has traveled extensively both down under and in the mother country and may be mixing his jargon a bit. We'll talk to him about it and see if he can't bloody improve by his next column. P.S. You aren't a librarian by any chance are you?

Goliard - That Co-worker's Story is some sick stuff. While I found it to be very engaging and fascinating reading, it's not really the type of thing I sign on to the goliard for. There's enough of that crap on the regular news. Obviously though, all on your staff are not just drunken stooges but possess some real journalistic instincts. Have you thought about starting a more serious sister publication? KN - Lincoln, NB

Ed - Not really. As you say, there is enough of that crap on the regular news anyway. One of our editors simply ran into the subject while vacationing in the Caribbean and thought it was worth publishing.

Hello Goliard - My name is Jitka Mansfeldova and I'm writing to you from AllPosters.com - The World's Largest Poster and Print Store. I noticed that your site is experiencing heavy traffic and are linking to other websites. I thought that you might be interested in joining our Affiliates Program. You can earn up to 25% commission on all sales from your website; plus you can choose from over 100,000 images to add to your site for free.

Ed - We'd rather be gelded with a dull rusty blade.

Goliard - I read a review of " The Amazing Andy" and was wondering if you have any contact information for him.  ???? If so please email the info to me.  Thank You - GR - Shreveport LA

Ed - The Amazing Andy - Magician...Juggler...Stiltwalker - Andy Charney 203 881 2911. He's based in Ct however and I'm not sure he travels as far as the Bayou to do shows.

Goliard - Di seguito e` riportato il modulo compilato da
kendao7@cinc.org (kendao7@cinc.org) in data Sabato, 1  Marzo, 2003 alle 09:48:40

Ed - We have no idea what this means.

Goliard - Now that you've made the big time I thought you might be interested in getting in-depth knowledge about your web audience and web traffic patterns in a reliable and cost-effective way. JB - Simi, CA

Ed - We're not! Go wipe yourself.

Goliard- I'm tired of you supporting the gays. You obviously approve of their lifestyle. Why don't you fags just come out already. MO - Jeff City, MO

Ed - For the last time we are not gay. We did read this interesting study the other day though. The men most violently opposed and outspoken against homosexuals were the ones most aroused when watching gay porn. What do you think that means big fella?

Dear Goliard - How does one subscribe? Thanks. LW - Wilkes Barre, PA

Ed - At this point there is no way to subscribe to the Goliard assuming you mean having a print version delivered to your home each month. It does print quite nicely but all the links and interconnected garbage make it more suited for the web. And on the web, a subscription is free.

Dear Goliard - I'm one of the Rice University Goliard scholars (from 2001) and found your site through a google search.  Way cool, I must say. Though many of the links for original writings are missing.  I love the stories, and all the random meandering information.  :-)  I'm just curious -- who runs this webjournal, and how was it started?  I'll definitely put a link to it from my own goliard site. CAS - Houston, TX

Ed - The links have been fixed and thanks for taking the time. Now get to work on your next assignment. We've made you the chief editor in the Texas bureau. So the answer to your last question is, You.

Just wanted you to know you're doing a great job with the web site. I particularly enjoy the 'Letters' section. Your biting commentary is always right on target and a joy to read. If you're thinking of a job change anytime soon, might I suggest becoming a literary critic. I can assure you there are quite a few positions at local rags up here in the Northwest that need to be re-filled with someone who can write. Keep up the good work - Anonymous Northwest Fan

Ed - Why would a broke, tired goliard living in exile in a dry craggly desert and being paid nothing for the privilege want to accept gainful employment in the majestic Northwest where he spent some of the best years of his life?

El Goliardo - Me gustaría conocer a "La Ella Caliente." Dígale que es muy bonita y que no debe hacer cosas tan peligrosas como el paracaidismo...(chiste) Pues admiro su coraje.  - CA - SUNY  Buffalo, NY
Ed - Gracias como no comprendemos Espanol

Dear Goliard - I was brought up with good morals. Yes, many gays are very sexually active with countless partners. I, for one, would like (love) to be able to do that. An angel on my shoulder, deceased relative, spirits, my own intuition or "sixth sense" or "something" has stopped me many a time from taking in many ventures. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a guy. MG - Santa Ana, CA
Ed - Congratulations? What are you talking about?
I'm writing because I like the site. It strikes a chord in my being. But sexual orientation is what I mostly want to talk about. I don't hide anymore as I have hidden much in my life. I make myself very vulnerable. But I feel many people are insecure with their own sexuality, thus are threatened by other people's sexuality. MG - Santa Ana, CA
Ed - Then congratulations on coming to terms with yourself. We at the Goliard are sympathetic to how difficult that can be even though we haven't been through your specific situation ourselves. We lived at ground zero in San Francisco and Seattle for a number of years and lost many friends. Stay safe.
I wasn't planning on any one of you being gay. Nor wish any one of you are. I had assumed you were all straight, but open minded. I have read most of The Goliard monthly issues, and like to think of you as a collective group of guys. MG - Santa Ana, CA 
Ed - OK that's certainly your constitutional right but why does this "gay" stuff keep coming up? Not that there's anything wrong with it. We just can't figure out where it's coming from as far as the Goliard goes. Is there a link somewhere we're not catching?

"Hey Goliard, I wanted to let you know that I am breathlessly awaiting your "Future Feature" entitled "Gang of wild youths rub marmite in tourists wounds." I spent a year in Scotland, and know my Marmite." KJ - Atlanta, GA 
Ed - Unfortunately, due to staffing restrictions and a non existent budget, we have not been able to follow through