the Goliard

March, 2002


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A Correspondence

[Communiqué Sequence]

Epistle Two


My little sister reports that you have been regaling her with prurient e-mails again. What is it with you anyway? Can't I even go out of town on a short business trip without hearing that something ridiculous has happened? Imagine my mortification as I called my mom to ask a simple ethics question and found the family had been sitting around just then stewing over my living situation because they fear I have hooked up with some sort of a lunatic. Stop writing to Cecelia! I implore you. She does not find you interesting in the least believe me, and if she is going to insist on reciting your offerings at the dinner table it will only render my father apoplectic and encourage my brothers to eventually take a bus down to kick your ass. Can't you find a better use of your time when I'm traveling than to write suggestively to my youngest sister and upset my family? You've got to get it through your head that Cecelia was only nice to you that one time because she needed a place to stay and felt bad about drinking that wine you had put away for the birth of your first child, who, by the way, is even less likely to make an appearance in lieu of what's happened. Cece's a hand model for god sake! Why would she be interested in a lay about slug a bed?

By the by, as far as the children thing, Percy was saying just this morning that to have kids now when I'm just hitting my stride career-wise, would be a tragedy not insignificant to the company's chances of ever showing a profit. And no, I still haven't made up my mind officially yet but we can talk about it later.

Speaking to that, I know it was you that called the hotel room and hung up when Percy answered last night. I thought I made it clear to you that we have to double up on these trips to save the company money and besides, you should have figured out by now that Percy is a harmless old bear and that you need to refrain from such juvenile high jinks. The only effect your call had, just so you know, was that neither of us could get back to sleep and subsequently decided to go out and try this all night diner that had been recommended by one of the salesmen (which it turned out was not exactly a diner but rather an all night laundry mat/singles bar/greasy spoon where we danced until the wee hours to a fiddle band). As a result, we were both dead tired during the presentation this morning and if we lose this account we have you to thank for it. I could barely keep my eyes open when it was my turn to take the floor and I ended up resorting to that old power point presentation we put together originally for the Johansson account which nobody was interested in. Go figure. I was too bushed to realize until it was too late that Johansson is not only seen as something of a pariah in these parts but also no correlation exists between the software systems needed to run a slaughterhouse and those we had hoped to design for Prudent Resources. So you see, your immaturity is not without its ultimate toll on my career. Between my family worrying about me and trying to remain employed through this downturn, I've got enough on my plate without garbage from the home front. Please think about what I've written and be ready to discuss when I return.

I suppose I still love you,


PS - You better be walking those dogs once in awhile and not exclusively downloading pornography. The phone is always busy when I try to call and I know what that means.




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