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Epistle
One
Cecilia,
I was writing a long missive to you recently when my boss
caught wind and was forced to discipline me. It seems that while passing
behind my office, unnoticed by me, he spotted the word
"rectum" on my monitor screen. After tapping me on the
shoulder and wondering aloud what
such writings could possibly have to do with the business specifically important to our division, he
sent me home for the day to think about "my use of company
resources". The letter containing the sphincter reference, which
I had so looked forward to sending you, was subsequently deleted
with haste in the ensuing panic of his reprimand and therefore is lost
to us forever. This is not
an excuse for not answering your last note sooner but rather a
traumatic event that I'm sharing with you. By the way, I rectified the situation
by returning to my dwelling and eventually arranging to utilize home resources for company business,
i.e. using my own gas to drive down town and drop off some urine
samples at a clinic for a co-worker. My conscience is now clear.
I was also hoping that you might clear up a matter for me involving
erections in and around your home town. Your sister claims that
while in high school, she "noticed there were erections near by
at times but chose to ignore them" In my high school, there
were always girls trying to get closer looks at your member and
pawing at your zipper. I'm interested in the demographics and social
mores this suggests and what we can learn from the discrepancies in
the two experiences.
We hosted a dinner party last night and the wife of course made
ratatouille (sic) again. It was well received along with a salad containing
some form of dark, sour roughage (perhaps Swiss chard) and garlic bread. The guests were rather boring so I amused myself
by drinking three bottles of wine and making inappropriate comments
to one of the mothers present. At one point I leaned to her and muttered under
my breath "You're no virgin" The puppies were in rare form
roughhousing and tearing up magazines. They are around thirty pounds
each now and getting very bold and destructive with their chewing.
After reading a puppy care book that advised to mix cayenne pepper and
olive oil and rub it on all the things you don't want them to chew I
did so only to find that they loved the concoction and immediately
did twice as much damage as before lapping and gnawing furiously at the
slathered furniture and crockery.
Alas I must go for the time draws nigh,
Pedro
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