"Just because I'm blonde and have big boobs doesn't mean I don't have a brain!"

 

A person named Kristy Morgan is reported to have issued the above statement and, at least from a physiological sense, we suppose she has to be correct. We at the Goliard weren't previously familiar with Ms. Morgan and, after a cursory investigation which involved visiting her website, she didn't strike us as particularly interesting or attractive (or at least any more so than the other cyber creatures you stumble upon when plumbing the interwebs). Ms. Morgan, it seems, recently realized her fifteen minutes by reaching the finals of some bisexual dating reality show and, in the aftermath felt the need to demand she be considered on grounds other than her physical attributes which, as a seasoned model and recent poseur for Playboy, she perhaps had reason to suspect were the only qualities being considered. Her protest, in theory, is fine with us and for all we know she's an incandescent thinker given to sesquipedalian elocution on a diverse panoply of subjects who deserves to be awarded a forum where she might elucidate for the rest of us the more abstruse and knotty intellectual challenges of our time. What struck us as strange about her statement however is that she clearly is not a natural blonde and wields a heavily augmented bosom.

 

Which got us to thinking... does one still get to self deprecate as a blonde and draw attention to oneself as the butt of all the accompanying jokes if a conscious and chemical decision was made to be so. Does the choice to dye one’s hair blonde automatically grant one admittance to a special airhead club, a membership that can then be denounced with high dudgeon when not convenient? Does bleaching oneself out and pumping oneself up inherently eliminate one from getting to complain about being taken seriously? Could a person who is truly dedicated to scholarly, literary, or humanitarian pursuits also be someone who spends the time and resources to chemically enhance and overhaul whichever of their girl parts they feel society might potentially find lacking?

 

These aren’t questions we at the Goliard know the answers to.

 

A woman we work with at the staff offices will often explain that she’s “had a blonde moment” (usually as she’s apologizing for forgetting to order this or that). Right… except if she let her hair grow for about a month without searing and sizzling it into bleached submission she’d be having a roots moment and soon after that a frosty tip moment and eventually a whole bunch of mousy brown moments.

 

We've been identified as a dumb blondes ourselves periodically over the years and haven’t argued much especially when the assumption that we were having more fun (as blondes are rumored to do) went along with it. And if we quit swimming these days, we imagine we'd soon be able to walk amongst a gaggle of mousy brunettes undetected. It just seems that if you’re someone who spends inordinate amounts of time and money reshaping, coloring, and chemically altering your natural state then you might expect to be seen as the kind of person more worried about superficial aesthetics than society's more pithy matters.

 

On the other hand, as Sarah Palin seems to be demonstrating (with the assumption being that if she looked like or even was Mike Huckabee she wouldn't have been chosen to throw a titillating wrench into the political season), physical attributes can open some doors and gain one a larger audience then perhaps their education and credentials might otherwise warrant. And if that's the proven case then why not acknowledge this and ramp up one's appearance in any way possible in order to get noticed. Once a person is noticed, it’s up to them what they are able to do with the forum.

Yes that's Mrs Palin to the right. Her shirt says, "I may be broke but I'm not flat busted." No ma'am, you're not. You and Ms Morgan have that in common at least. Along with, we suspect, several other things.